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Best Poems From
REBECCA PAUL
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1.
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Schizophrenia
Im anxious.
Cant think straight.
Thoughts are scattered like
Pieces of paper.
Paranoia is grasping my mind,
Stinging my eyes with tears.
Where do I go?
Do I stay home?
Im so bored but dangerously so.
Crazy ideas form into plans.
No! Dont. Wont.
Anxiety is tugging at my lungs.
Breathing is rapid, labored.
Shivering so hard I sweat.
Dont want to be alone.
Irritated by my peers though.
All the music is angry,
Shouting, loud, heart-hammering.
I love it.
Love this feeling of complete chaos
But Im so in need.
The entire day is spent.
No time left.
Only sleep to look
Forward to.
I cant! There must be
More!
No. There isnt.
Youre alone.
And no one is there
To save you.
No, Im not!
I need someone to talk to
You have me.
Youre not real!
As real as you are.
The voice is in my head.
Nails digging into my arms like
There are bubbles trying to
Break through the surface.
Stare down at past scars.
Adrenaline is preparing me for
A night of fun and adventure.
Only to endure neither.
Loneliness. Emptiness.
Screams tear through my
Throat but I refuse to let them
Free. Cant calm down.
No.
Rebecca Paul
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2.
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I Am The Perfect Me (Reverse Poem)
I am the perfect me.
Never one to dream
Without the will to reach it.
I am
An unstoppable force.
My goal is blocked by
My own self-doubt.
Overcome my fears
And I will never
Be held down.
I was born to
Take on the world.
How can anyone expect me to
Live without love?
I am bound to
Die with honor. And live with failure?
I'll never.
Rebecca Paul
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3.
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Thanks A Lot, Mom
Thanks a Lot, Mom
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for loving me to no end.
Thanks for being my loving mother.
Thanks for being my thoughtful friend.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for feeding me and giving me a home.
Thanks for clothing me and holding me tight.
Thanks for caring when I felt alone.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for always making me smile.
Thanks for giving me the extra push.
Thanks for going that extra mile.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for living with no regrets.
Thanks for being the life of the party.
Thanks for going all in on bets.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for being my inspiration.
Thanks for helping me with my homework.
Thanks for giving me motivation.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for treating me with respect.
Thanks for knowing I'm growing up.
Thanks for knowing what to expect.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for kicking me while I was down.
Thanks for telling me I'm a liar.
Thanks for knowing what comes around.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for giving me my many scars.
Thanks for making me feel at home.
Thanks for breaking my aching heart.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for taking away my friends.
Thanks for taking away my family.
Thanks for not having to pretend.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for kicking me out of my home.
Thanks for calling me cheap and attention-seeking.
Thanks for putting me out on my own.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for ripping away my Brett.
Thanks for saying you don't remember.
Thanks for saying I should forget.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for believing your husband over your kid.
Thanks for rewarding him for a crime.
Thanks for punishing me for what he did.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for meeting me in court.
Thanks for hiring such a mean lawyer.
Thanks for paying for his every retort.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for going on the witness stand.
Thanks for putting all that on file.
Thanks for not holding my shaking hand.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for watching me cry over you.
Thanks for everything you did to me.
Thanks for everything you didn't do.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for letting me take the fall.
Thanks for telling me to lie for you.
Thanks for letting me lose it all.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for saying no one will believe me.
Thanks for telling me you'll always be there.
Thanks for lying, and screaming, and leaving.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for still wearing your pretty smile.
Thanks for not letting anyone know.
Thanks for going that extra mile.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for letting Brett go without her sis.
Thanks for not showing her my picture.
Thanks for all the memories you know I'll miss.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for letting me have a choice.
Thanks for giving me an ultimatum.
Thanks for never hearing my voice.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for all the inspiration.
Thanks for all the things you've caused.
Thanks for all this motivation.
Thanks a lot, Mom.
Thanks for giving me something to do.
Thanks to all these heart-wrenching memories.
But most of all, thanks to you.
Now when I'm cutting my wrists in the bathroom,
Or getting pregnant at my prom,
I'll always remember who I should thank.
So thanks a lot, Mom.
When I'm running around being promiscuous,
Like you always thought I would become,
I'll always remember who I should thank.
So thanks a lot, Mom.
When I'm drinking myself to death,
Or when I'm lighting up my bong,
I'll always remember who I should thank.
So thanks a lot, Mom.
When I'm broke and on the street
Or when I'm writing a suicide note like a song,
I'll always remember who I should thank.
Yeah, thanks a lot, Mom.
Rebecca Paul
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4.
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Shutting Down
I've lost all my inspiration.
The mind I claim as my own is
Shutting down.
Slowly all of my creativity seems
further and further away...
Can't quite reach it yet.
Maybe tomorrow though.
I miss you, baby. So much.
Are you taking my poems from me?
This inability to scribble the
Simplest of lines?
My love for you is infinite.
Yet my ability to write anything
Feels infinitesimal.
Blank is what I see.
White walls. Shades of gray.
Confusion and illusion.
Regret maybe? Remorse?
Not quite...
Loneliness. Pure, unscensored
Desire for human affection.
But you're so far away, my love...
My heart reaches out for you;
My body recoiling from the thought of
Even one more day without you.
Soon, my dearest, I will find you.
Until then though, my head is vacant.
The vaguest of ideas pass through.
Nothing worth holding on to
Or remembering.
Forgetful, vague, submissive, passive.
My actions feel subservient.
Born to please everyone except the one
I want. Except the man I yearn
To make happy.
I'm left in my half-dead state,
Drifting in and out of consciousness.
Shaking in bed, laying in a puddle
Of my own tears.
Waking up in a pool of sweat and panic.
I scream for you in dreams;
No sound.
I reach for you in nightmares;
No feeling.
Then I awaken numb. Listless.
I muster the prowess just to
Live on without you.
Until I can feel you next to me...
Shutting down.
Rebecca Paul
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