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Best Poems From
HERBERT NEHRLICH
(04 October 1943)
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313.
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Revenge Of The Razorbacks
A Frilly Lizard, young and strong
was sleeping near a Billabong.
Nearby, a handsome Razorback
was contemplating an attack.
All razorbacks are pigs, of course,
some grow as big as a small horse
it is their nature to be tough,
they, basically, don't give a stuff.
Each living thing that can be found
on outback's lonely, barren ground
becomes fair game there, in the heat
and something for the pigs to eat.
Now, razorbacks have never learned
to sneak around, thus never earned
a reputation to be smart.
They either smack or grunt or fart.
And, so it was on that fair day,
awake, the lizard, in dismay,
had seen the herd of razorbacks,
there was no time now to relax.
But for this story I must mention
that, though these pigs had the intention
to hunt and kill that little critter
(who'd been the runt of his small litter) ,
but they had not been to these parts,
had discharged their revolting farts
out in the Simpson Desert proper
where Aborigines mine copper.
And in the Simpson Desert are
no frilly lizards, near and far.
Which means that those who do not know
would be surprised what kind of show
these little creatures can perform,
(just ask the guys from Desert Storm) .
The pigs attacked in straight formation,
it was a dicey situation.
The lizard left the Billabong
the razorbacks then read him wrong.
He reappeared now in their flank
had metamorphed into a tank.
At last the pigs, when they saw frills
did suffer shakes and then the chills.
A frilly lizard grows in size
in seconds, like a bad surprise.
And, to the razorbacks' lament
they were in a predicament.
When now the lizard flapped his wings
it was a case of seeing things.
A monster right behind their backs
adrenaline now to the max.
They ran to get away, at speed
through thistles, dust and tumbleweed,
into the water in a panic
and sank as fast as the Titanic.
In normal times most pigs can swim
by moving, frantically, each limb,
but fear can hinder willing nerves
from functioning, as each one serves
to tell the muscles to contract,
that is a scientific fact.
All razorbacks thus drowned from fear,
and, to you all it might appear
that what we have here shows again
that little guys win, now and then.
The frilly lizard as you know
had killed them with his stunning show.
But by the end of the next day
revenge was coming into play.
A thousand pounds of rotting flesh
was poisoning what once was fresh.
The lizard had an evening drink,
that night he did not sleep a wink.
Got, in the morning, out of bed.
And was, in fifteen minutes, dead.
Herbert Nehrlich
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314.
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Risquι Limerick
I see myself in the Jacuzzi
but not with your average floozie.
As I like some pizzaz
I may yet ask Mahnaz
they say beggars are usually choosy.
Herbert Nehrlich
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315.
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Risquι Limerick # 2
From the top of Niagara Falls,
far away from the big city malls
jumped a tough-talking bird
soon her screams could be heard
as she banged on those rocks her big balls.
There are women, genetically tough,
fully able to fight and play rough.
Though they may play with dolls
they are fitted with balls,
be advised that they do strut their stuff.
So the one who had jumped from that height
gave the onlooking folks quite a fright.
When the balls started banging
and bouncing and clanging
they felt sorry for her in her plight.
When she landed way down in the wet
it was clear that she'd now won her bet.
But she vowed to enclose
in size large pantyhose
her equipment - (as safety net) .
Herbert Nehrlich
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316.
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Sardines
Where have you little devil been
said to her daughter Mom Sardine.
You know that all those budding gills
entice strange fish to search for frills.
And if the males don't feel your stoma
you soon will catch a haematoma
through stainless steel complete with worm
and once you're pierced you twist and squirm
but no one hears your lonely cries
good bye you wave to all the guys
too young to lust in blissful sin
they'll put you, headfirst in a tin.
Herbert Nehrlich
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