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Best Poems From
HERBERT NEHRLICH
(04 October 1943)
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201.
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A Bad Poem (competition)
And when time after time
they grow lemon and lime,
which makes thinking sublime
and leads poets to rhyme
like a Klingenthal chime
in its second year prime.
Playing tunes to the mime
in a garden of thyme -
death by nickel-and-dime
bless mein heim, mein sweet heim.
Herbert Nehrlich
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202.
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A Limerick Collection (21)
Orthodontists twist wires and braces
and have many unfortunate cases.
But I think they could try
not to twist but to tie
no more wires but cotton shoelaces.
********************************************
When a farmer named Alois Rink
who'd been hovering right on the brink,
had not gone to the loo
and was bursting with poo,
it fell out of him, boy did it stink.
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When a girl named Annamaria
saw a doc about her diarrhea
'If it hurts when you piss
then I know what it is,
it's the clap, also called gonorrhea.'
*********************************************
When a girl who looked utterly sad
told the doc she was fast going mad,
that she'd picked up the clap
from the hot water tap.............
Penicillin for her and the lad.
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A professor named Timothy Lear
had no liking for whiskey or beer.
He kept up full employment
to finance his enjoyment.
As his stuff - LSD- was quite dear.
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In the land of the brave and the free
it's illegal, in public, to pee.
You can shit on the flag
or hang out with a fag,
don't forget to cross every 't'.
********************************************
A physician who worked at McGill
on a Monday, mid-morning, fell ill.
They discovered a lack
of the old IPECAC
for good measure they gave him a pill.
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There once was a husky named Rover
who had moved from Alaska to Dover.
When he swam in the Strait
he was taken as bait.
When the sharks wiped their lips it was over.
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When the Duke, also called Mussolini
saw a maiden in purple bikini
he went into the street
said 'so happy to meet,
let us make, you and me, some bambini.'
***************************************************
And in Spandau there's Rudolph Hess,
playing checkers and saying 'God Bless',
he was Hitler's right man
and he carrried the can
room and board was ten million, no less.
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When the plane which was supersonic
reached top speed they were drinking Gin Tonic,
as they fell from the sky
it was whiskey and rye
for the ones on the ground - how ironic.
******************************************************
When the shoe salesman looked up her dress,
he said 'Beautiful, I must confess,
I would love to climb higher
and eventually sire
little monsters with you for Lochness.'
******************************************************
A Jack Russell was heard in the dark.
He would bark on the beach at a shark.
When he ventured too close
he was grabbed by the nose
in the end there was just one more bark.
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When a gangster named Al Capone
was walking in Brooklyn alone,
he was carrying heavy
when away from his Chevy
but he needed a mobile phone.
*********************************************
They were having a time at the Ritz,
she was flashing, at bedtime, her tits.
When she looked at his sparrow
her green pupils got narrow...
'Oh, don't tell me, he is on the Fritz? '
*********************************************
A young schizophrenic named Klein
was touring, by steamer, the Rhine.
When he saw his rflection
in the powder room section
he remarked 'that young lady is mine.'
*************************************************
When after the movie he'd kissed her
he went home, in the morning he missed her.
But when he did pee
he could clearly see
an exotic and frightening blister.
****************************************************
A lady of means from Madrid
caught the clap on the toilet lid,
though the chances are small
to catch something at all
'twas the mansion of Billy The Kid.
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'For a handful of shiny new quarters
you can stay here and drink holy waters.'
Said the nun at the door,
'and for fifty cents more
you can screw all my sons and my daughters.'
******************************************************
A baby boy, recently born
had a growth on his forehead - a horn.
But the doctor remained
in his manner restrained
and he said 'I'll be back in the morn.'
****************************************************
A donkey, who jealous of horses
was dreaming of heavenly forces.
But the Gods were not buying
though the donkey was crying,
he was left with his donkey resources.
***************************************************
Herbert Nehrlich
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203.
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A Small Forgetmenot
I'd managed to traverse
the river of indifference,
and climbed the muddy banks
until I stood beneath the canopy
of trees whose majesty surprised,
they swayed in synchrony
and nodded at each turn,
as if to say we shall stand guard for thee.
There was a purpose to the nods,
directing me to look beyond the shade
my eyes went heavy and all time stood still.
A rose of an exotic colour, all alone,
surrounded by a thousand healthy weeds,
oh wonders of this world, they never cease!
She beckoned me to step up close,
smiled like an angel when I touched her stem,
'you may, dear wanderer, caress my face as well, '
I did, and there was velvet bliss forever seemingly,
I could not leave again, there was no other world.
I settled next to her, though careful not to crush
her precious parts or any weeds in residence.
The sun came out in all its beauty after dawn,
and there was peace, with birds and butterflies nearby,
majestic trees stood guard and lent their cooling shade
and on occasion I would think and ask, 'but why'?
There was a storm, it seemed so meaningless and odd,
though I had noticed the clear absence of the nod,
wild flashes struck and surged to earth between the trees
and lightning's fury forced me down onto my knees.
'You may not live', so said the rose, 'it's in your heart',
and she was right, I felt the dagger's cruel blade
a small forgetmenot, its deep blue leaves apart
cried a small tear and life resumed there, in the shade.
Herbert Nehrlich
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204.
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A twinkling, obnoxious little silver star
She'd sent me stars, two handfuls in that myst'ry package.
And when I opened to unpack they came like swarms
of silver insects, bright and ready to invade.
A silver touch, I thought, the carpet was a-glitter,
I picked them up, so slowly, one by one
with lingering movements, 'cause her hands had known them.
There was a storm that came, without much warning.
It took my love and whirled it into spheres
that could not nourish it and breathing had to cease.
While I was searching for the force of evil
that sent this devil of a murderer and thief,
all other life went on without consideration
of devastation that had plunged in misery
my very soul, its spirit had been breached.
Just like the hurt that tends to linger,
in nerves of amputated limbs of man,
this phantom pain can safely be dismissed.
It would take time, I knew to lose the memories,
and storms are really, don't you know, just acts of God.
Back to my reading now, which had been pushed
onto back burners, there was never any time .
When I perceived the slightest, softest touch upon my leg,
a star had fallen on a wound that she had healed.
This silver, little, recalcitrant and noticeable,
this twinkling and obnoxious bitty star,
it did just sit there, twinkling like a hooligan.
Until two teardrops fell upon it from above.
This story ends here as it has not been determined,
if too much time has gone for any hope of rescue.
It is well known that love must, like any living matter,
maintain a breath or face a certain, final death.
What if, I ask with anxious trepidation,
a surrogate has been up in those clouds.
Could it just be the life of love was spared?
And would you tell me, show me, kindly, then,
I plead with all you Gods, by Dawn's first light?
Herbert Nehrlich
Read more: silver poems, warning poems, star poems, evil poems, hope poems, time poems, pain poems, death poems, light poems, god poems, life poems, love poems, memory poems, lost poems, wind poems
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