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Best Poems From
HERBERT NEHRLICH
(04 October 1943)
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173.
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Limericks Today**
A Leopard is really a cat,
and a cat is not usually fat
even elephant shots
will not alter his spots.
Though no spots can be found on his hat.
An old donkey is really an ass,
he will NOT make a pass on a lass,
quite content to abstain
he will use his small brain
to just stand there and eat the green grass.
Herbert Nehrlich
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174.
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Loose Limerick
On the days that she wore a blond wig
she permitted herself just one cig.
Soon both dropped to the floor
and she shouted 'no more',
neither wig nor the cig were too big.
She was tight-lipped all over, and young.
And preferred when a man used his tongue.
Walking soft like a hick
he did carry a shtick*
liked to use it because he was hung.
They were matched like a pair made in Heaven.
And they lived in the rich part of Devon.
But an entry too small
may still take one that's tall
but in thickness he measured at seven.
Note: Walking softly doesn't always mean that he carries a BIG stick.
*shtick is Yiddish for the German Stock (bβton in French)
Herbert Nehrlich
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175.
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Miele Vacuum Cleaner, Turbo Model
Madonna who was short and fat
lived in a unit with her cat.
They did enjoy the fifteenth floor,
could see La Jolla's ocean shore.
The cat, who had been raised out West
was white and tan and black of chest.
Quite fond of birds, needless to say,
(but not to hear them sing or play) .
She spent her days where she could see
the birds, from their high balcony.
And dreamed that she could fly as well
but when she tried she merely fell.
Up there, of course, as folks would know
also resides the Vertigo.
And so it was not unexpected
that she ignored when she detected
a fat and juicy feathered bird.
She moaned, 'that's it, oh yes, my word! '
And hurled herself into the air
an action that no cat should dare.
Of course, she dropped just like a stone
and now felt mortal and alone.
But when she passed the seventh floor
Miss Lillie stood there, by the door.
And holding in her calloused hand
a vacuum cleaner, Miele brand.
Her husband who had now departed
had always used it when he farted.
It had tremendous suction power
would clean a snake pit in an hour.
He had retired and was given
a golden watch and turbo-driven
top model, nothing else compares.
Miss Lillie also held some shares.
She pointed now, with perfect aim
toward the cat, who, such a shame,
was still descending at top speed.
And, listen, now, just like a weed
the Law of Newton's gravity
was nothing but depravity!
The cat's quick fall was here arrested
and she flew sideways, (still black-chested) ,
and landed in Miss Lillie's lap
where she deposited some crap.
You understand, it was the fear
this cat was, otherwise, a dear.
Miss Lillie took her up the stairs
while on the back her feline hairs
stood all to uniform attention.
I also wanted yet to mention
that from that day, until much later
she always used the elevator.
Herbert Nehrlich
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176.
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Money Tree
Ten years ago, in Tennessee
I grew myself a money tree.
The money came in all-green leaves
my shepherd kept away the thieves.
My dog supplied his droppings, too
I added, also, chicken poo.
The tree grew big and even bigger
it was a huge imposing figure.
And from the top you could make out
Jack Daniel's place, on Hilltop Route.
I cared for, watered my big tree
it did allow me to be free.
And in the year thereafter it
had little ones, I said 'oh shit'.
Today I have a whole plantation
by far the largest in the nation.
I am the richest in the land
my life is great and never bland.
This shows what honest work can do
I wouldn't think it is for you.
Herbert Nehrlich
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