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Best Poems From
HERBERT NEHRLICH
(04 October 1943)
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133.
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Waterslide
I watched you go,
slide down the waterfall,
your headlights leading
perky
and your legs apart,
all wrapped
and held together
like a package
from the Vatican,
where ruby red
means celibacy,
by the most beautiful
of bums
these eyes have ever seen.
Will you remind me
to apply
tomorrow
for the annual pass,
so I can sit
behind you
real close?
Ride out the times of strife
and watch your back,
what do you say,
they'll close the slide
the end of May.
Herbert Nehrlich
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134.
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What Could It Be?
At birth it is a rather small
and barely visible at all
identifier for the folks
and butt at times for silly jokes.
It grows, of course, in later years
and on occasion it appears
that it will stand up to attention
though few will point to it or mention
this feat of physiology
some girls do ask 'how can this be? '
The decades take their deadly toll
and if you were to have a poll
you'd keep the size of middle years
because, that's when those little gears
still function freely, cog on cog
and rarely get into a bog.
It's funny, says the narrative
that what starts small can grow so stiff
only to shrink to tiny size.
It must be said that God was wise.
Herbert Nehrlich
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135.
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Why Beetles Hibernate
Under rotten vegetation
beetles practice fornication.
Daylight bothers beetles' eyes
that's why God made bovine pies.
If you think that bugs find yummy
cowpies sitting in their tummy
think again, it's just for sex
exercise for hairy legs.
Do you know why moss and grasses
hide those little beetle asses?
It is simple, if your jewel
due to Nature's rather cruel
sense of humour were so tiny
that you wouldn't call it Heini
would you flash the little digger
knowing that it should be bigger?
Insects hide for valid reasons
during three of just four seasons
in the winter when they snivel,
ice and snow can cause to shrivel
further shrinking due to freezing
leading soon to tasteless teasing,
thus they stay inside their station
celebrating hibernation.
Herbert Nehrlich
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136.
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Wombat Stew
A wombat rested in the shade
a breeze rose off the Murray,
he sipped some Mango Lemonade
and was not in a hurry.
A dingo, on his way to town
came on the Wombat snoozing,
he put his library books down
and gave him a good bruising.
One of the books was titled STEW
and Dingo thought he'd make it,
he took the laces off his shoe
and asked if he should bake it.
The wombat, frozen now with fear,
and tied to a small boulder,
said, please Sir Dingo, be a dear
and grabbed him by the shoulder.
But Dingoes can be cold as ice
he made a deep depression
into the ground, then whistled twice
now ready for the session.
A Platypus came from the stream:
'what are you up to Dingo?
Would you prefer some heavy cream?
The Dingo answered 'BINGO'.
So Platypus went to obtain
sweet cream from a fat Tailor*,
the Tailor cried due to the pain
the Wombat grew still paler.
He brought the cream and placed it at
the bank of the old Murray,
and as you know, all tailor fat
gets feet into a hurry.
The Dingo slipped and slid around
he could not find his bearing,
soon Platypus had him unbound
(the Wombat) who was swearing.
The Platypus advised the bear**
to leave the place and wander
and raise his scruffy wombat hair
in what is called Down Under.
And ever since, no wombat will
be drinking lemonade,
near Platypus (known as spoonbill)
down in a gumtree's shade.***
* Tailor is a good eating fish
** Wombats can be considered bears
*** Gumtrees are Eucalypts
Herbert Nehrlich
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