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Best Poems From
HERBERT NEHRLICH
(04 October 1943)
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9.
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Mary's Gators
Mary had a little horse
the horse was just a pony,
the horse had hooves and balls of course
but ate no maccaroni.
She led the horse back to her flat
they took the elevator,
at night the horse slept on a mat
next to an alligator.
As you can tell, this lady had
a screw loose in her bonnet,
she wasn't altogether bad
that's why I write no sonnet.
A sonnet would be all too clear
and show hat she was mental,
but she was really such a dear,
we'll call it accidental.
The horse grew slowly, as they do
the gator did much faster,
one day, it did, out of the blue
it happened. A disaster.
The gator ate the horse at lunch
and had a pudding later.
Don't know for sure but have a hunch,
she bought another gator.
Herbert Nehrlich
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10.
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Sexology
May I give you this rose
to reward your raw beauty,
and may I come close?
I would make it my duty
to inspect all your features
with a critical eye.
I must say that some creatures,
right at first, are quite shy,
so don't worry, be happy
when I breathe down your neck,
I am just an old chappie
from Florida Tech,
who is researching breeding,
you know, like in SEX.
What the world might be needing
is to tighten and flex
its dumb pre-occupation
with making new babies,
if you take fornication
it is much worse than rabies.
So if you would not mind,
let me smell your pale skin,
may I come from behind
and then kiss your square chin,
let me nibble your lobes,
get a feel of your breasts,
I brought with me some probes
that will show us what's best
for a woman like you,
who is single and looking,
and, who out of the blue,
on her way home to cooking
meets a man of great science.
Is this turning you on?
You are not an appliance
and you know I'm not done.
With the help of the masses
in these projects, we're able
to divulge in our classes
why the birth rate is stable.
Yes, I know you'd like THIS,
would you mind if we went,
for the study of BLISS,
to my research tent?
And the man spoke such magic
that she fell hook and line,
but the sinker proved tragic.
Lady Luck did not shine.
Herbert Nehrlich
Read more: magic poems, birth poems, woman poems, kiss poems, rose poems, happy poems, beauty poems, home poems, world poems, baby poems, women poems
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11.
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A Woman's Scorn
A wise man said a woman's scorn
is given to her when she's born.
She carries it, though under cover,
a secret weapon for a lover
who dares defy her even once,
it's no excuse to be a dunce.
I have been chosen so it seems,
though never in my wildest dreams
did I expect this sly attack
which was prepared behind my back.
You see, to tell the real story,
the saga started with a sorry
but unbeknownst to me entrι,
presented as a joyful play.
There lived, in cloudy inner city
a middle aged and rather pretty
and intellectual grandmother
who had been searching for another,
a better purpose in her life.
The task of playing the good wife
and caring for rambunctious kids
did drive her to consider bids
elsewhere in regions of the globe.
While sitting in her purple robe,
she'd dream of knights without a flaw
and then, on the TV she saw
how history had proven often
that free-verse thoughts would help to soften
society's ingrained conventions,
and slowly ripened her intentions.
God, thank thee for the internet,
where countless lonely hearts have met.
She surfed in all the continents
from Adelaide to Arab tents.
And found, (she was articulate) ,
a hopeful one who, old but fit
was quite intrigued by her Hello,
but too naive for any pro.
And now, my friends, this poet skips
four stanzas (sealed must be my lips)
it seems that she did want a toy
to be converted to a boy
without the right to pick and choose
and somewhat big for his own shoes,
she needed in her midlife crisis
not booze or other neat devices
but human flesh in all its glamour,
(and may I use the word 'enamour') ,
so, with her woman's intuition
consolidated her position.
The only fly in this sweet ointment,
which led to bitter disappointment
was that no man, unless deranged
appreciates if an estranged
no matter how erotic soul
attempts to press him in a role
where he must don the leather gear
and, kneeling, mumble 'May I, dear? '
So, programmed for a premature
resounding failure, all the lure
collapsed in waves of turbulence,
there was the thought of 'staying friends'
but that was not at all to be,
so now the fly, with glee, broke free,
and left the spider's sticky net
still wondering why they had met.
And silence now descended gladly
upon the two, though, rather sadly
were days at first, though they prevailed
it was quite clear that they had failed
an undertaking which was wrong,
as only those who, cold and strong
will contemplate and carry through
since they have nothing else to do.
But let me, just for a small second
digress from what the target reckoned,
a friend of mine is youngster lightning
his mother's who is somewhat fright'ning
is wise beyond our wildest dreams,
and sees a thing for what it seems
her name is, fittingly, Dame Thunder
and she did look at this sad blunder
perhaps she is the one behind
this new attack upon the mind
All men have, it is known, a horn
to ward off any woman's scorn
So bring it on, use your resources
of darkness and malignant forces
a dream that roses will adorn
is what I want, not woman's scorn.
Herbert Nehrlich
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12.
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Kindness (Children)
A stork built on the roof a nest,
he had just recently been blessed
with what he called his feathered dream:
Long legs, a beak of crimson cream
and eyes to melt a stony heart.
His nest turned out a piece of art,
he anchored it to sturdy bricks
with leaves and boysenberry sticks.
Soon, junior saw the light of day
he happily began to play.
Since even little storks have legs
that, once they've left their crowded eggs,
can make light work of scary heights
and thus provide some awesome sights,
so junior took a step due East,
he wasn't frightened in the least.
His foot now reached the chimney's hole
where smoke arose from burning coal.
His eyes went teary, also blind
a gusty wind came from behind
and then he went, heels over head
into the chimney, nearly dead.
He landed with a bang and yell
in glowing ashes, thinking hell
had welcomed him and he assumed
that in this place he sure was doomed.
The man who was just eating lunch
looked over and he had a hunch,
that something living had descended
and that his peaceful meal had ended.
He grabbed the stork and ran outside
while yelling to his sleepy bride,
together they sprayed from the hose
much water from the pressure rose
until the stork took one deep breath
as now he knew he'd cheated death.
Right then, a worried, huge white bird
flew off the roof without a word.
He had assessed the situation
and did not want a confrontation.
He thanked the couple, then he turned,
trailed by the moderately burned
and nervous junior when the man
said, 'Stork, I wonder if you can
repay our helpfulness in kind
I'll tell you what I have in mind.
My wife has been on I V F
yet all the gods must well be deaf,
we've tried for years to have a boy
with hormones and extract of soy.
The stork conferred with his own wife
and since they'd saved their junior's life
they did their magic in their nest,
and when the wind blew from the West
they dropped into the bed at night
a little boy to their delight.
Each year thereafter one new bird
was born up on that roof, my word.
And always in the nursery
soon after there again would be
a brand new child, as to remind
that it is godly to be kind.
Herbert Nehrlich
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