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Best Poems From
HERBERT NEHRLICH
(04 October 1943)
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85.
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Admittedly, I Am A Hoarder
They all are, those bitches,
blackmailers, connivers,
nothing can wait a second longer,
tomorrow le deluge perhaps,
I swear I did not promise,
I never said that, tit for tat,
you took advantage, right,
only a woman will stoop so low,
what are you trying to do,
be a merchant, do deals,
you could have asked nicely,
I have always been an orderly, clean
and exceedingly pedantic one,
spotless, inside and out,
I would have, eventually,
gotten to it, after all it is only
papers and they don't go bad
like tomatoes or kumquats.
Yes, I realise a year is a long time
but, a year ago is when my mother,
with her cataract eyes and pacemaker
was here, snooping all over my stuff,
finding holes in my socks, infinitesimal
and not worth mentioning, and I did,
then, without a big fuss, clean the mess.
But really, I have to test drive the new Jeep,
the boys are waiting for that science session,
okay, yes it is in the Pub, it's quiet there,
and the weather will be sunny tomorrow
through midweek, shame to be sitting,
in a dark messy house, going through
what really could and should, wait a bit more.
You are not being fair, and certainly not nice,
even basic politeness would not go astray and,
it might even increase chances for.....
what do you mean by that, really, no need,
no justification that I would have given you,
to be vulgar, name-calling is a woman's weapon,
yes, and your reaction right this second is proof,
utter proof, you couldn't be civilised once now,
could you, I should have known, just like your mother,
yes Doris, that's all your father could say, washrag,
yeah? And what did you call my mother last year?
She can outcook you with her eyes closed, yeah,
she could dust the whole house while cooking up,
over and sideways, a REAL meal, from scratch,
not a TV dinner, so there. I tell you what....
so where on earth are you off to, now, to bed? !
I wish you would go into the guest room because,
yes, that's right, because if you don't I surely will,
as your bloody dog is my witness, yes YOUR dog,
eating me out of house and home, only the best,
steak left-overs for him, and what do I get?
Okay slam it one more time and you will see what,
I, who happens to run the show in this place,
will come up with then, yes I can see the earplugs,
I will be watching the movie of the year right now and,
you, yes you are most definitely not welcome.
And, in my next life I will get myself a hoarder,
just like I am. Nothing will get thrown away, EVER.
Herbert Nehrlich
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86.
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An African Blessing for Easter
May the Lord bless you.
May he fill your feet with dance
and your arms with strength.
Bless your heart with tenderness
and your eyes with laughter.
Your ears with music
and your nose with pleasant fragrances.
Seal your mouth with joy
and your heart with jubilation.
May he continue to give you
the mercy of the desert,
silence and the freshness of water,
above all new hope.
For us all, he would give
his strength and high hopes,
as a face for it all.
May the Lord let you hear
in the silence of night,
his own blessings to grow
be your destiny's guide.
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Herbert Nehrlich
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87.
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As A Doornail
A surgeon, rich but low on skills
came down himself with painful ills.
The pharmacist prepared some pills
from herbs he'd gathered in the hills.
The tablets didn't come with frills
the doc found out that living kills.
He laid upon the bed his head.
And soon the pillow coloured red.
Which by its liquid nature spread.
This filled his heart with sudden dread
and scared his older brother Ed.
Asked Ed 'what was it that you said? '
There was no answer, Doc was dead.
Herbert Nehrlich
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88.
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Bad English
There ain't nuthin' more worse
than bad English 'n grammar,
it's when fools treat good verse
with a saber-toothed hammer.
It's a shame says me mother
they pay teachers no mind,
as us talk to each other
them ain't words they can find.
So I say to me mates
if you done what you must
you go visit the States
watch your lingo go bust.
Herbert Nehrlich
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