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Best Poems From
HERBERT NEHRLICH
(04 October 1943)
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873.
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Assigning Blame
He'd made a huge mistake,
an error, so he knew, of thought.
The road looked fine, smooth bitumen
so he proceeded with due care
until he was upon it, quel malheur!
A boulder from the mountain top
had rolled onto the street, during the night.
it stood, in all its might and took
the force of shiny steel and neoprene
without a whimper of complaint.
The pages of the triplicate report
remarked that he had caused
the accident, through negligence,
contributory, someone asked?
Oh no, it is plain logic my young friend,
had he not turned into this street...
and the big rock, so out of place,
well never mind, here, use this sheet.
Herbert Nehrlich
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874.
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At The Class Reunion
She told me, after forty years,
while others heard and smiled,
that she had always liked my scent,
had on occasion failed to wash
to gain a fair extension for her nose,
and then, when forty years had past
she stood there in the aisle to get
a jar of peanut butter, which was loathed
and shunned by me, back then. The speakers
in the store were playing soothingly,
the song that promised what she felt,
it was by Whitney and it made her cry,
those tears came swiftly, running down her cheeks,
she'd smelled the scent there, near the many jars.
Herbert Nehrlich
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875.
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At The Dentist
Today is it, it must be said, the man gets out his tools
he practices his silly skills on imbeciles and fools.
A pair of pliars, chisel, drill and hammer, forceps too,
two burly aides with cuffs and rope, I sit there saying BOO.
'No', says the man, 'you need to say not BOO but Ah-Ah-Ah
and open wider if you can, you may call on Allah,
though it's unlikely he will come and rescue you from me..
oh no, not now, we must proceed, it's later you can pee.
Last week we had a fellow here, he tricked us, found the loo
escaped, with pliars in his mouth, found later in the Zoo.
There is no need to be afraid, I 've done this once before
and afterward, you'll pay my bill, you also will be sore.
Now let me see, I had a plan, a blueprint of your teeth,
well, never mind, I do recall your name was Raymond Keith?
I'll pull, don't move, the lower ones, so if you want to speak
you do it now because you won't for one entire week.
The plate? What plate, oh yes I know, the man has fallen ill
I do suggest some patience Sir, and have you done your will?
You see, you may not need new teeth, acrylics they are called
a while ago, I lost a man, his wife was quite appalled!
They'd bought and paid for dentures, full, and he, the fellow croaked
it sems he might have swallowed wrong, in any case, he choked,
found partial during autopsy inside the gastric juice
I think they may have been a trifle old and loose.
They tried to pin the deed on me, I should have had a look
but my defense is simply this, I treat them by the book.
So, do relax, my friend, lean back, you are in brilliant hands
it's rare these days to find a man who truly understands
the intricate and complex tasks a dentist has to face, '
(turns to assistant :) 'write this down, a complicated case,
don't know how well this will pan out, but them's the bloody breaks
who knows, and would you care I ask, if all were eating steaks
and you would ask the Maitre D. to grind the meat for you
it's God who makes decisions here, Sir, are you turning blue?
It happens, it's the novocaine, it hits the ticker hard
and folks like you are predisposed, it's all the stored up lard,
oh that reminds me, if you should lose pounds to slim your gut,
it will affect your falsies too, and I shall see your butt
back here to have a bit more work, it's labelled a reline,
you see you shrink inside the jaws it's due to endocrine
and also genes, but not to fret, I'll help you through those years,
the worst a man can do with teeth is harbour crazy fears
of dentists (well, some are inept) , because you need to plan..
Oh yes, I understand but hey, you should be eating bran,
those Kellogg's flakes are way too hard, you'll likely ruin your bite
I say you follow what I say and things may turn out right.
So, talk is over, I am glad we had this little chat
just one more thing, I need to know, are you a Democrat?
Herbert Nehrlich
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876.
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At The Medical Library
This story is, I swear it, true,
my books were slightly overdue
and as I stood there at the portal
I sensed the aura of immortal
and penetrating energy.
Across the walkway, there was SHE!
She stared, I kid you not my boy
long hair the colour of pure Soy.
Blue eyes were focused on my crotch
so that my mate went up a notch.
Now, I who has experienced often
when ladies smile and quickly soften
in their resolve to play it tough
but this was different, it was rough!
Me, Casanova of my class
confronted by this pretty lass,
was at a loss of what to do
all I could look at was my shoe.
Ten minutes passed and I had not
devised a strategy. The plot
had thickened though I was exempt
my thoughts were spinning with contempt
at my own lack of true pizzazz
when she sat down in the green grass.
Of course, I had a real spouse
who waited at the student house
and straying wasn't in my blood
though once I had been called a stud.
Regret accompanied me home
I suffered like a ribosome.
'What if', I did repeat it much
I could have talked to her as such
and things might then have grown to bear
erotic fruits for us to share.
I changed into the shorts at eight
when wife came in and muttered 'Mate,
you have a rip in your new pants
which could expose your private glands,
what if a stranger saw your skin
and lusted after Ho-Chi-Min? '
Herbert Nehrlich
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