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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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33.
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Dehydrator
You're not sorry
And you never were.
It amazes me still
That I had the delusion
That you could ever be a decent person.
I hate you more than words could say.
Ever tear I ever spilled on account of you
Could fill the ocean of the void that I made of my life.
And it's your fault.
I'll never forgive you this time.
I can't even rationalize
What I could have possibly done
To warrant this treatment.
No empty threats even come to mind right now.
I just know that someday,
I'll be over this.
Someday I'll be past all this mess
And I'll become the person you only wish you could be.
Pathetic man,
I pity you
Because you don't know how to love.
Because you only know hate,
Because you hate yourself.
I don't know which causes more disdain,
The fact I hate you,
Or the fact that you cause me to hate at all.
Either is unfortunate.
Amanda Saveley
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34.
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Desire, but in Vain
I look at my name,
Hidden,
Amongst the names greater than mine own
In a list in a browser
And how I wish so that mine actually belonged
But no,
I have no place amongst those I admire so
For no one bothers to read mine
And I have hardly the ego to support them
I simply am not vain enough
Though there is a simple vanity in that which I desire
It is that vanity in hoping
That I might be worth something.
Amanda Saveley
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35.
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Diary of an Insecure Adolescent
Dear Diary,
I feel bad. About myself.
I want to build a tower on which to perch myself,
But I have not the materials.
I have not the will.
I hate life.
Worse of all,
I hate myself.
Dear Diary,
I feel bad. About myself.
I want to build a tower upon which to perch myself,
But I knew not how. I had not the materials.
But I have a plan. And I have the will.
I will take traits of everyone else and I will point them out.
I will degrade other people, making them feel less than they already do,
And with this newfound-yet-false self-confidence, I shall build a new tower,
A pedistal comprised of all the built up insecurity from others,
And I shall stand upon it,
Basking in my own glory while others lie about, suffering in the loss of their security...
I shall finally find it in myself to feel good about myself.
Even if it is a lie.
Dear Diary,
I did it. I went through with my plan.
And you know what?
I still hate myself.
And now they do too.
Amanda Saveley
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36.
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Even Glue Flakes Away In The End
Things bounce off me, everlasting cycles of motion.
I'm rubber, you're glue...
I am invincible, never showing emotion.
Everything bounces off me and sticks to you
My opinions are strong, I stand by my own.
But no one knows I'm coming unglued
My words are my honor. In truth I stand alone.
My hinges are slowly becoming unscrewed
I live for my family, for my friends I do yield.
I'm carefully coming apart at the seams
I work to my fullest, my potential fulfilled.
I'm walking through life like I'm sleeping through dreams
I live by example, to prove to the world
My ideals are shattered, they're worn clear to the bone
That I am more than an ordinary girl
I'm important to no one, and I stand alone.
Amanda Saveley
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