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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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29.
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Cartography of a Relationship Almost Lost
Trying to pinpoint moments in time is like trying to graph the human psyche.
No matter how hard you try, it cannot be done.
Yet, we try to point out specific moments in history
Places where we though something went wrong,
Desperately trying to isolate it in order to avoid an encore
A reoccurrance of sorts
And yet, though I know this simple fact of life
It does not stop me from trying
Trying to figure out when phone conversations shortened in length
And the time spread farther between them
In an effort to compensate,
Just as we make a special effort to compensate on the occasions
That used to be an everyday thing
It's like changing the pattern of breathing, really.
What used to be natural enough to say
Is suddenly supposed to be implied
As if all the declarations at the beginning were meant to be stored like grain,
Waiting for a time when nourishment would be needed
But words aren't grain.
And time can't be marked
Conversations don't get longer the less they occur
They only dry up like a well in the hot desert heat of remorse and regret
No clouds pass by to replenish the source,
Only blazing fires of anger and redemption that further deplete the flow
That used to pass in currents from one being to the next
No longer moving,
But still
And silence haunts these halls,
Building thicker the wall of disconnected lines and things left unsaid
Creating a wall so high we cannot see over it
So solid we cannot break through it
And so steep we have no hope of climbing it
And our resolution to pretend it does not exist because we can't see it
Only enforces its strength,
Pushing against you
Pushing against me
Pushing us apart
Until that small well almost dried up,
Vastly expands into an ocean
One which neither you nor I can cross,
No matter how hard we try.
Amanda Saveley
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30.
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Dear Mr. Former President Caeser
I can't seem to help but think...
What's going on?
I say, what's going on
When every morning I wake up fearing for my life
As if a great bomb could fall from the sky
Knowing I've done nothing wrong
Only tried to understand...
Are you proud
Of the things you've done
While we've waited for salvation
Oh why hath thou forsaken me?
I've done nothing wrong!
I've strived
Fought
Struggled for the right
And openly shunning the wrong
It looks like someone doesn't have your back
Why are people starving in our streets
In the land of opportunity?
The place where wealth abounds?
This is not Rome, sir,
We are not detached from our people, sir
And if you are,
I say stand and fight for your right to govern!
There is no Mandate of Heaven here.
And you have the dozer where Jesus has none
The divine One who have not but his bare hands
In which to stop you
Yet you strap Him to your cause
And tear through battered lands like you have the right!
Slapping Allah in the face with Muhammad's own hand
How dare you try to claim that you understand!
We're a hypocrisy posing as a democracy
Throwing our beliefs in others faces
In the name of a religion not all of us follow
Who do you think you are, Nero?
We can't strap poor devotees to media-based pillars
And light them afire with the blazing torch of atheist view
Can you really look anyone in the eye?
Can you see them from behind your tall podium,
In which you can't even see yourself?
Do you speak for yourself
Or are you simply a puppet,
A figurehead,
Something to be manipulated like putty
While stiff neck politicians back you with words
Their words
Not the words of the people
But of the elect
You know nothing of hard work
Being a child of welfare
A kid of the system
In which the government you so depend on
To get you your food stamps
Make your mother's ex-husband pay child support
Fails you miserably,
Forcing you to live on ramen and bologna
As staples for your diet
While education falls through the cracks slowly
And you think you can fix this?
You've only made it worse
Amanda Saveley
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31.
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Death of a Vital Organ
The rough thorns brush close,
Cutting deep within the confines of a guarded heart
Broken and bleeding
Hardening with each passing cold front
Until it thaws and is marred once again
Self-inflicted wounds do not heal as easy.
Yet the thorns wrap deeper,
Delving, cutting,
Marking reminders that each failure twists the vines
Tighter still until the heart cannot breathe
It cries out in sheer, unadulterated agony
Letting all the warmth seep out until there is nothing left
Nothing left to speed the ever-quickening current of crimson sorrow
Pouring forth like tears over skin
Soaking the vines
Feeding them the sustenance needed
To grow and strengthen
Covering the heart, guarding it,
Shielding against all intruders wishing to seek it
Until it is truly guarded
Frozen in time
Oblivious to the world around
Oblivious to its own pain
Its still raw lesions, its afflictions
That become infected, slowly bringing death to once vivid vessel
Self-inflicted wounds do not heal as easy.
Amanda Saveley
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32.
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Define This
Who I am...
Is beyond my
Hair
Eyes
Teeth
Weight
Height
Shoe size
Jean size
Blood type
Skin type
Gender
Nationality
Address
GPA
Social Security Number
If I were to label myself...
I would run around with post-it notes covering every inch of my body.
For I am
Narcissistic, yet altruistic
Intuitive yet doubting
Focused, yet ambivalent
I am an Empiricist,
A Skeptic,
Agnostic, but moral
Derogatory, but eloquent
Intelligent, yet ignorant
Well-spoken, but not well-read
Arrogant, but modest
Outspoken, but shy
An extroverted introvert
With an inferior complex about a superior complex
I have a one-sided Oedipus complex,
My mother does not concern me
And in order for me to carry on all these labels,
I would literally be bipolar,
A walking contradiction
An anomaly to all those trying to label everything and anything to restrict it,
Narrow it down
Well,
Narrow this down.
You'll never get it.
For the only label I can ever carry is that of 'human'
And that makes me versatile
Malleable,
Susceptible to inevitable change
An internal chameleon
That you will never be able to dissect.
Amanda Saveley
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