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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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25.
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Assume Nothing
We're not friends
Just because some stupid site says so.
So don't come up thinking we're tight...
That we're close...
You aren't that lucky.
My friends work long and hard to gain that status
And some never really do
If you're my friend
You'll know it.
If you're not sure
Ask me...
I'll tell you straight-up.
My friends and I have inside jokes.
We laugh at simple things that no one could think of
I get them, and they get me,
And I never hesitate to ask for help with them
Just like they know I'm the one to come to for weird advice
Others are afraid to give.
I love my friends
No matter what age,
Race,
Creed,
Gender,
Political view,
Or sexual preference.
If you like what I like, cool
(Though sometimes I might suggest you get your head examined)
If you don't, that's cool too
Even better,
Cause I love to argue and I love to learn
So whether I'm right or wrong,
Either way, I win!
I have some gorgeous friends with some beautiful souls
And some mediocre friends with some beautiful souls
And even some 'omgwhatinthehellhappenedtoyourface? ' friends
With some BEAUTIFUL souls...
But I have no friends with hideous souls
All my friends are good
Now as for intelligence...
I'll get back to you on that one.
Cause my friends make mistakes,
And I'm not afraid to tell them that
Cause when I make mistakes
They'd better well tell me
Or I'll tell them off for that too!
Cause with me and my friends,
My real friends
My honest-to-whatever-greater-force-is-out-there friends
There are few secrets
And even fewer lies
Because we respect each other better than that
(though it may not look like that sometimes....)
So yeah,
If you can't check all of the above
If you come up short
If you're a little confused
Just ask me
I'll be honest
But chances are...
We're not friends
Amanda Saveley
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26.
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Because You Can't Have Your Cake And Eat It Too
'Happy Birthday. I love you.'
It's so unusual that I could say that at midnight tonight and be shooting it out in two different directions. But it makes sense, in a poetically ironic way. I feel like the day I met them was the day I finally split in half.
I want so much to be everything to both of them, but I can't.
Because it’s not smart.
Because it's not socially acceptable.
Because it's not healthy.
Simply put.
That doesn’t make me feel any different.
Does it hurt? Mostly.
And I wish I could save my life to this particular point, hit the “reset” button at the end of my life and do things differently.
I tried out the words on my tongue last night…
The ones I’ve been playing over in my head lately, just to see how they sound.
I’m testing the water to make sure I don’t drown in the other pond, you know?
And he was so hurt. The worst part of it all is that I couldn’t bring myself to feel bad about anything other than the fact that I was hurting him. I was sorry for his sadness, but it didn’t change my mind about what was making him sad.
I simply can’t breathe anymore in this space. I’ll die if I try to keep it all in. There are so many things I really want to say, in order to make everything okay for both of them. I’ve even considered cutting them both off, because I honestly believe they’d both be better off if they didn’t have to deal with my indecisive bullshit.
Instead, I’ll just wait until the hands meet at the top of the clock later tonight and say to myself what I could easily say to either of them.
“Happy Birthday. I love you. I’m sorry.”
Amanda Saveley
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27.
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Black Soul Ebay
I traded in my shining halo for a sharp tongue
Which leaves a bitter taste in my mouth
I loathe myself when I'm not trying.
I sent away my innocence
So that I could lash out in words
Each letter, pounding out the pain I feel
With every wound I inflict to the ego...
I'm punching you in the happy gland,
Stabbing you in the joy nodes,
And watching you bleed with blissful agony
I've done more damage here than any serial killer could.
For this will eat you alive like a poison,
This will tear you apart limb from limb,
This will shatter all your illusions
This will bring you truth
Maybe it's better this way,
Maybe it's better I show you the light
Maybe it's best to bring you out of the hole you've dug yourself,
But it's gonna get worse before it gets better.
My syllables so simple
Are directly to the point
And leave nothing to the imagination
Oh yes, this is going to be something new...
This is gonna hurt you
More than it hurts me.
Amanda Saveley
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28.
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Breathing In With The Memories
Sitting in front of a 19'' screen
Our faces plastered with the same expression,
Waiting for the part
We both know will break the silence
As laughter erupts,
Filling the room with musical bubbles of joy
Breathe in...breathe out,
You start laughing again hysterically
And I laugh too, only faking
Which further pushes your laughter
And I laugh too
But not faking
You were my first best friend
Saturday night and Mom's gone out,
Leaving you and me to our own devices
So we load up on pixie sticks
And our own special liquid concoction
Smothering our burritos with mustard, onions, BBQ,
Cheese and taco sauce
Mother shakes her head as she heads out the door
We must be insane
But it's just you and me
And Tony Hawk and X Box
And Neo and the agents
As we slide in a DVD and spend the rest of the night
Inducing our own inevitable diabetes and heart disease
While our laughter erupts into early hours of dawn,
Shattering the moon and making the stars envy us
Breathe in...breathe out
You were my first best friend
Change passes between us as years go on
Doors shut and space expands
We moved on, you and I
Together only by circumstance and necessity
But certain times between the yelling and slamming
There is a moment in which things feel the way they used to
When you were my first best friend
Loading up the box of the truck with all I ever owned,
Cleaning out the space that was once mine
Knowing that I'll never come again
And the memories there will be left to accumulate with the dust
Crossing the hall with the last bag,
Breathe in...breathe out
I stop to glance down towards your room,
Not yet packed for your own endeavor
As you head south with your co-dependence
And I remain behind,
Planting the seeds that will one day become my future
The empty room resembles the feeling still pushed away...
Settling in a new space made to fit me
With my favorite colors, all hand-picked
And everything put into place how I want
I sit in the room I used to want,
With nothing but a single box to unpack still
Opening the cardboard folds,
I remove that which is most important
Pictures of two dark-haired kids and bicycles
And shared birthday parties
Childhood holiday memories
And grinning teens dressed in fine clothes
You'd gotten taller than me
And my tassel was flipped over,
Touching your shoulder
And blurring as hot liquid lines stream down,
Making tiny pools on the shiny paper faces
Breathe in...breathe out
And slide the memories into the closet
You were my first best friend
Amanda Saveley
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