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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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21.
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A Clarification Pre-Departure
If I died tomorrow,
Would you still search for me?
Would you still scan the skies
Or look out onto the sea?
Would you wait for my call
Until the light of day?
Would you search in your mind
For something meaningful to say?
Would your eyes stay at the door
Patient, with the same concern?
Would you wait on baited breath
Though you know I won't return?
Or would you agonize over endearments
Left unspoken and unheard
Indulging in your grief
Over something simple like words
Would you comb over my things
Think of when last they were used
Would you build a shrine to me
Cling fast to guilt like the accused
Would you live encompassed with regret
Over things left just to waste
And panic when a simple thing
Happens to be misplaced?
If I should die tomorrow,
Look not for me in the sun
Nor land, nor dropp of water
Or in all things left undone
Do not search for me in any form
For I will not be there
Do not find fascination
In a single strand of hair
Nor simple piece of cloth
That once did belong to me
You should not waste your life
Nor should you share same fate as me
Release your tears into the air
And leave them out to mix with dew
Please, do not search for me,
I will be waiting there for you.
Amanda Saveley
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22.
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A Final Resolution
Spending time alone pondering
The mysteries of life and my own twisted psychology
Writing and sleeping like both are the plague
Not able to avoid that which makes me insane
Can't break the chains that bind me near
Can't hold me down if you're not here
Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you
In fact my dislike almost consumes my love
Erasing you from memory
You were what I lived for
The one reason I stayed
In this meaningless existance
You taught me how to have an opinion
But not how to make one
The outer shell of my strength you built
But now I see the vulnerable core exposed
Hate is a strong word
But I really really really don't like you
I'd rather forget you
But you're always there...
When I look in the mirror
When I write my name
When I am sentimental
You know you are to blame
When I look in the mirror
I don't like what I see
But I will do anything anything anything
To separate you and me
Hate is a strong word
But I really really really really really
Don't care anymore
I'll throw you away like you just did to me
Pretend you aren't part of my life
Detach myself like you are made of fire
My mind is all made up
I'm doing what I can
I'm trying hard to think
But I don't understand
My head is spinning round
I don't know what to do
And now it's always raining
You're the one to blame
I wanna hear
What you've got to say
But now when you open your mouth
I'll just turn and walk away
Now that it's over, you can't hurt me
Now it's all over, you can't bring me down
Amanda Saveley
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23.
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A Little Monday Night Venting
You act as if you're superior
When your ignorance makes you inferior
You've been complimented one too many times, dear
And wonder why it is no one holds you dear
You isolate yourself from all existence
Yet wonder why no one goes the distance
The world's a lot bigger than your front door
And I can't stand to listen to you anymore
Everything's taken to offense
And sometimes things just make no sense
You retaliate, go on the attack
And now you can't take those words back
I tolerate your childish game
Why can't you see, we're not the same!
But don't think you're special, or one-of-a-kind
Because sadly, one day you will find
That we're all the same, and no one is better
We live and die down to the same letter
And just because others live as they do
Doesn't mean they're aiming it at you
Learn to take a joke, and not be so uptight
Quit insulting everyone, thinking you're always right
Otherwise, you'll be alone in the end...
And that'll hit you so great, you'll no longer pretend
It'll be so empty, it's hard to ignore
And I guess I suppose that's what this poem is for
To send a shock to your system and just let you know
That nothing will ever go right unless you learn to let go
So do something more than just come along and show up
Why don't you shut up until you manage to grow up!
Amanda Saveley
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24.
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A Moment of Weakness
My solitude leads me to irritation.
Plain and simple,
Everything you do anymore leaves me angry.
I wish this were not so.
I wish everything were the way it was before,
When I had no cares and you had no worries
Back when everything was new and sweet
And ignorant.
The pain is almost more than one can bear these days.
And yet...
I cannot leave you.
Not like this.
I refuse to give this up.
I refuse...
To let this die along with all my other failures,
To just let it fall with my shortcomings...
No.
Not today.
Not tomorrow,
Or the day after,
Or the day following that...
Never!
...lest you beat me to it.
Amanda Saveley
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