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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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21.
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Fell In Love With An Angel
He rolls my heart like he rolls his 'r's'
On the tip of his tongue
With every spent breath my heart falls
Perpetual motions never undone
Chained to his side like I'm chained to my fate,
Imprisoned to life,
Sentenced to love
A single individual for what could be conceived
As the rest of eternity
Eternal bliss,
Occasionally marked by travesty
His wings are hidden,
Safely beneath the folds of his shirt
His halo, concealed
Beneath waves of dark hair
But with every word spoken
Every second spent
I know this is heaven
For I fell in love
With an angel
Amanda Saveley
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22.
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For Lack Of An Actual Break
I want my brain to shut up,
Shut down,
Break down completely
Break up with my heart
So they can finally stop arguing
Get a new place,
Find space,
Defrag already so I know where all the empty places are.
I want my heart to throw down,
Go down,
Dislodge itself from my throat
So I can start breathing already
I wish it'd stop beating already
Because I'd like to get some sleep
Or at least start sleeping steady
Because my brain and heart are starving
For attention,
For affection,
I'm so sick with this affliction
With this addiction
That's got my two essential organs
Completely ass backwards
Can a sister get a manual
Because I think these things are defective
The human race needs a voluntary recall
Because God fell asleep at the factory
And got our minds and hearts mixed up
Perhaps he needs a raise
But you know he's self-employed
And those kind of people are rarely self-employed
So we're all. screwed. up.
Amanda Saveley
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23.
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Is There Life After Love (After Lie) ?
Is there a life after love?
Can there be love after lies?
My entire delusion
Fed by your illusions
How could you let me believe something so?
How could I let myself...
Throw something so...precious...
Away...
Not knowing everything? !
Not knowing what you 'failed' to tell me...
For WHAT?
For WHAT? !
So I wouldn't think less of you?
I didn't lie, ya know...
I wouldn't have thought less of you knowing the truth
But now...
Knowing that SHE
not me...
Was the first,
Regardless of whether it was good or bad
As if knowing that I was a 'good lay'
would actually make me feel BETTER!
How could you let a lie like this slip past your lips
Such a monosyllabic, simple...
God, is there a Hell? This must be it...
LIE
To say I was crushed is so little a thing
And I took it with more grace than I knew how to muster
I was good in drama, you know...
I can mask my voice better than my face
Why do you think I wanted you to tell me over the phone?
To save me some SLEEP? !
Bitch, please.
To say you know me so well, and yet so little
You're not the only one who can lie, you know...
God, and here I sit, listening to these...these SONGS
You were everything everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
All these memories so close to me just fade away
All this time you were pretending, so much for my happy ending...
And I can't even bring myself to hate you.
Logic won't let it be so
But the moment my heart gets the upper hand...
Let's not kill the Karma
Let's not start a fight
It's not worth the drama
For a Beautiful Liar
And you had everyone fooled,
Everyone through me
Who thought you were so IDEAL
An image of perfection...
Oh, how foolish we've all been.
When someone said count your blessings now
Before they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how...I was all wrong
They knew better, still you said forever...and ever
Who knew
Who knew.
The path that I'm walking
I must go alone
I must take the baby steps until I'm full grown
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay
Who knew.
It's time to be a big girl now...
And big girls don't cry.
Don't cry.
Who knew.
I never wish bad things, but I don't wish you well...
Amanda Saveley
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24.
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Last Heartbreak (At Whatever Cost To You)
You were there
My heart was crushed twentyfold
Even gravity cannot compete
Are you avoiding...
Me?
This uncertainty that has thrown itself at me as of late
Is quite disconcerting.
In fact, if I were to say with great honesty
That I am too attached to you
Then so be it!
I will detach myself completely
And turn off my gates to you
In which all my imparting knowledge of past sins
Shall forever be lost to you
At whatever cost to you
Because sir...
I am quite fed up!
Tired of waiting and wishing and wondering
And sticking myself in the heart with the pins
I salvaged from last heartbreak
But that is not the last heartbreak...
You, sir,
Are my last attempt!
And if this attempt shall fail,
I shall once again pick up the pieces
Reassembling myself into a colder,
More bitter,
Most resistant to all that is warm
Very separated and detached
Cynic
And it will have been all your fault.
Amanda Saveley
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