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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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17.
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Peonies
Someday Id like to marry you
And wear white like I was meant to
Someday Id like to marry you
And I will carry peonies.
Id wear a dress a shade of pink
And oh, what would my mother think
Perhaps Id float instead of sink
If I could carry peonies.
Maybe in a garden in the spring
Or in a church and everything
I wouldnt care, Id resign to sing
Were I to carry peonies.
Ill wait through sun and rain and snow
Through the dark of night and mornings glow
So patiently, for someday I know
That I will carry peonies.
Amanda Saveley
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18.
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Breathing In With The Memories
Sitting in front of a 19'' screen
Our faces plastered with the same expression,
Waiting for the part
We both know will break the silence
As laughter erupts,
Filling the room with musical bubbles of joy
Breathe in...breathe out,
You start laughing again hysterically
And I laugh too, only faking
Which further pushes your laughter
And I laugh too
But not faking
You were my first best friend
Saturday night and Mom's gone out,
Leaving you and me to our own devices
So we load up on pixie sticks
And our own special liquid concoction
Smothering our burritos with mustard, onions, BBQ,
Cheese and taco sauce
Mother shakes her head as she heads out the door
We must be insane
But it's just you and me
And Tony Hawk and X Box
And Neo and the agents
As we slide in a DVD and spend the rest of the night
Inducing our own inevitable diabetes and heart disease
While our laughter erupts into early hours of dawn,
Shattering the moon and making the stars envy us
Breathe in...breathe out
You were my first best friend
Change passes between us as years go on
Doors shut and space expands
We moved on, you and I
Together only by circumstance and necessity
But certain times between the yelling and slamming
There is a moment in which things feel the way they used to
When you were my first best friend
Loading up the box of the truck with all I ever owned,
Cleaning out the space that was once mine
Knowing that I'll never come again
And the memories there will be left to accumulate with the dust
Crossing the hall with the last bag,
Breathe in...breathe out
I stop to glance down towards your room,
Not yet packed for your own endeavor
As you head south with your co-dependence
And I remain behind,
Planting the seeds that will one day become my future
The empty room resembles the feeling still pushed away...
Settling in a new space made to fit me
With my favorite colors, all hand-picked
And everything put into place how I want
I sit in the room I used to want,
With nothing but a single box to unpack still
Opening the cardboard folds,
I remove that which is most important
Pictures of two dark-haired kids and bicycles
And shared birthday parties
Childhood holiday memories
And grinning teens dressed in fine clothes
You'd gotten taller than me
And my tassel was flipped over,
Touching your shoulder
And blurring as hot liquid lines stream down,
Making tiny pools on the shiny paper faces
Breathe in...breathe out
And slide the memories into the closet
You were my first best friend
Amanda Saveley
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19.
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Dehydrator
You're not sorry
And you never were.
It amazes me still
That I had the delusion
That you could ever be a decent person.
I hate you more than words could say.
Ever tear I ever spilled on account of you
Could fill the ocean of the void that I made of my life.
And it's your fault.
I'll never forgive you this time.
I can't even rationalize
What I could have possibly done
To warrant this treatment.
No empty threats even come to mind right now.
I just know that someday,
I'll be over this.
Someday I'll be past all this mess
And I'll become the person you only wish you could be.
Pathetic man,
I pity you
Because you don't know how to love.
Because you only know hate,
Because you hate yourself.
I don't know which causes more disdain,
The fact I hate you,
Or the fact that you cause me to hate at all.
Either is unfortunate.
Amanda Saveley
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20.
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Desire, but in Vain
I look at my name,
Hidden,
Amongst the names greater than mine own
In a list in a browser
And how I wish so that mine actually belonged
But no,
I have no place amongst those I admire so
For no one bothers to read mine
And I have hardly the ego to support them
I simply am not vain enough
Though there is a simple vanity in that which I desire
It is that vanity in hoping
That I might be worth something.
Amanda Saveley
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