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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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97.
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True
Your absence leaves me...
Deprived.
And in my heart of hearts I know...
Somewhere...
It must be true.
Yes, you are gone.
You are not here.
You're somewhere else.
And somewhere deep inside myself...
Somehow...
I know it must be true.
Yes, I know myself better than all the rest,
Enough to say life's not been best.
I know enough to say what I believe.
Yet somewhere, somehow, deep inside...
I know it to be true.
Yes, it's quite the thing you see,
I never thought that I would be,
And now I am; I know that this is true...
Somehow deep inside my heart,
My soul...
I know I must love you.
Amanda Saveley
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98.
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'Water landing' sounds suspiciously like crashing into the ocean...
I'm crashing.
Faster than a jet liner into the Atlantic
And I know something's terribly wrong here
Flying higher than a kite with no medicinal aid
Only to sink after the endorphins die,
So fast to flee...
To return to the unexplainable source
And so I'm crashing,
Not able to grab onto a floatation device
He's not here with me today
And so I'm sinking
Unable to write that song I thought I had
Wrestling with the always-present questions like...
Cutting my hair, okay?
Gonna work out, okay?
Doing my homework, okay?
But this weight drags me down heavily
Causing me to sink into the depths of my own self-loathing
And I'm crashing
Ever so slowly
I can't stop it
Fighting only makes me suffer
Waves overlapping and it kills me to see my own demise
It kills me to see my own sun setting
And beautiful words collide in my mind
But none of them are coherent enough to make art
I'm striving, ever the tortured artist
But there's no output
Cause there's no input
Unplug me, unplug me
The lyrics without the tune
Is like a guitar without an amp
Just ugly, just ugly
Like an face unpainted vamp
Oh I'm crashing
Further down into the underground
Burying myself in pity
Refusing to relive glory days
To sink to that level would be sooo
Middle-aged schoolteacher with lame life engrossed with children
How I loathed you
Not willing to sink to that level,
There's got to be
Oh there's got to be
A ledge
Somewhere.
Amanda Saveley
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99.
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Whatever It Means to You
I can't contain it anymore.
I write, scribbling furiously
Everything they told me to
Pulling my soul through the tube of the pen
Spilling ink instead of my own blood
Strumming my guitar with the force that I feel
The energy I'd waste punching people in the face
Goes into making so much noise
To drown out the screaming in my mind
And all the productive activity in the world
Cannot seem to push back this feeling in me
I can clean til it gleams,
And hope to sew up the seams...
But it can't be contained anymore.
It's like I built a cage
For my rage
But the rage
Is unfazed
And has grown
Over-blown
It's insane
How my brain
Don't complain
Cause this game
Has me naming
The times that I cried
And the times that I lied
Kept it all up inside
Not to say that I hide
But way deep down inside
I feel like I just died
And the times
That I rhyme
Can't seem to cover my crimes
It only consumes some of time
And yet the rage is still tearing at me
It's overbearing, you see
And all the times that I seem
To lose a bit of control
It is taking its toll
For to not sell my soul
And I write down these letters
To make myself feel better
Not to entertain or amuse
But to stop this abuse
Before I hit the floor
Just can't take any more.
Amanda Saveley
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100.
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Who Makes You?
When I got another girl scout badge,
An academic award,
A certificate of some kind,
You were there, smiling,
Like I'd done something worth doing
For you sat through the endless line of programs,
The initiation ceremonies,
The honor dinners and ceremonies,
Graduation,
Smiling and crying,
As if I'd saved the world or something
You were always there for me,
No matter what,
And when I'd see the other people
Who weren't so lucky
I'd feel a twinge of guilt for them
Wishing there was something I could do for them
To bring back that person
Or at least, make them care...
But sitting at a table in a university
With others I've met along the way
Surrounded by my new life
That somehow doesn't include you
I feel lost
Looking for your smiling face
And I wonder if maybe it means less without you
That you were the one that made it all worth it
That I really did it for you all along
And just don't know how to
Stop.
Amanda Saveley
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