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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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81.
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Searching For Meaning in Words
I want to create beauty in desperation
To write and have my pencil cry
Stain my paper-mache emotions
But I have no soul
No deep-embedded sympathy
With which to make me bleed
Only hollow words
And shallow analogy
I have acquired the intelligence...
The brain...
The intellect...
But I have not the ability to feel what I'm writing
Therefore, I cannot relate
No wonder I am not gotten
Misunderstood anguish
So unbelievable
So quickly I abandon in dispair
I want to believe
To understand
Deeper than the ocean in which I am drowning myself
I need a connection
From my paper to the pen
From the pen to my arm
From my arm to my mind
From my mind
To my heart
Where I may bleed emotion out through said pen
In empathetic ink
Not sold on God's green earth
To become that which I can be
To become that which I must be
My aptitude
My fate
My destiny
Amanda Saveley
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82.
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Stuck On The Lyrics Like I'm Stuck On You
You kill me...
You know you do
You kill me well
You rip my heart
Through depths of hell
I see the journals,
The logs,
And she misses you.
But not missing you all the same
She misses the feeling you give me
And I hate this feeling I get
Feeling like ever-prying,
Thought I let go the notions of potential failure
But I still think when you don't pick up
I still cry at night when you're all I think about
And nothing I forget
And the pain that rips through my bones like concrete through water
Is nothing compared to the pain of loss
Or the fear of the pain of loss
Or the pain of the fear of the pain of loss
And you won't get to see the tears I cry
So swallow me and spit me out
For hating you I blame myself
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I will cut again
And do so willingly
Relationships that work are things that I can't comprehend
Amanda Saveley
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83.
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Support Groups
Why is everything so repetitive?
I hear the same damn thing
From the same damn groups of people
If everyone shares the same problems,
Should the world be in a support group?
If the whole world were in a support group,
There would be less war
There would be less genocide
People would see that all people are the same
We all have different ideas
And our faiths differ
As much as our tastes in music
But we are all the same
Our anatomy is the same
Just as my heart is the same
As a heart that beats somewhere in Sydney
Somewhere, there is the heart of a man
From Bangladesh,
A country I'd never even thought of
Until I met the man
Whose ideas, morals, and feelings
Match mine perfectly
So, you see
We are all the same
And if everyone could see that,
We would have no need for support groups,
Would we?
Amanda Saveley
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84.
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THAT Girl
Yes,
THAT girl
The one who walks the halls,
Mini skirt
Ruffles, denim,
Whatever...
Making heads turn
Gathering attention
Good, bad
Doesn't matter to her
It's attention, isn't it?
And she's only fourteen.
But you wouldn't know that.
You wouldn't know that
Cause you barely know her name
You barely know that she is a person
Like you,
Like me,
Like everyone
But you wouldn't know that
You see her, and you don't think
Nice smile
Sweet personality
You think
Short skirt
You can see her stomach
Loose
Careless
SLUT
But she's only fourteen.
You can't be a slut at fourteen
Can you?
Oh, you can
And they do
And they spend all their time on the internet
All that time
Taking pictures
Making lies
Making mistakes
And where do the mistakes go?
To homes
To therapy
To their graves
They run so fast
You'd swear their feet are on fire
Their souls, torched with the ashes of their
Ignorance
Innocence
Lost in the way somewhere, like a child
Broken
Lost
Alone
And it is these mistakes,
These THAT girls
That make mistakes
Who each grow up to make mistakes
To cover the earth
In gloss
Amanda Saveley
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