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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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77.
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The Razor's Always Sharpest in Someone Else's Hands
My heart...
Dark and bloodied with the weight of sin
Cut one too many times,
My hand more than any
But I can't hold the blade like I used to
Fingers too shaky
Expert jagged lines
My name embedded in each
Yes...
My heart is too blackened to give
Even if I should gather the pieces
To give you even one
The sharp edges would cut you
My sin would be written in your features
The sad eyes I cannot cast mine own upon
For you...
Your sorrow...
Cuts me deeper than I ever could.
Amanda Saveley
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78.
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The Things I Do For You...
I should not be concerned with taking pictures of flowers.
Nor picking out flowers for my wedding that may never be.
I should be laying flowers on your grave, so cold, so cold...
I should not be thinking about my skin being soft.
Nor skin being soft on my children that may never be.
I should be holding firm your hand still, so cold, so cold...
I should not be distressed about crying once a day.
Nor take ill crying over lovers that may never be.
I should be shedding tears over your body, so cold, so cold...
I should not take care to sing so sweet and so smooth.
Nor singing to practice for others that may never be.
I should be humming near your deaf ear, so cold, so cold...
I should not wonder about kissing so carefully now.
Nor hoping to kiss as well for faces that may never be.
I should be kissing your forehead pallid, so cold, so cold...
I should not be worried about breathing tomorrow.
Nor even breathing for a future that may never be.
I should be lying in a grave deep down, so cold, so cold...
But I do.
I notice the flowers.
I worry over things vain.
I cry.
I sing.
I kiss.
I breathe.
Because that is the way you would want it.
Amanda Saveley
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79.
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The Truth?
The truth?
I lie.
I hurt.
I hurt others.
I get angry to make the pain hurt less.
I miss my mother, and my brothers.
I've never felt more alone than I do right now.
My boyfriend...
is wonderful.
but I don't deserve him.
My mother is
gone...
it's all I see anymore.
my mother has become a voice on the other end of a telephone line too long to reach my heart.
I love...
music.
It says everything I just can't seem to form in words.
But I don't dream.
I can barely recall.
What is a fantasy...
If you have nothing to imagine?
I am currently...
in a home that is really not a home at all.
A house is not a home
If there is nothing in it which resembles family.
I'm not...
happy.
confident.
smart.
stable.
honest.
All I really want is...
peace of mind
I am wearing...
my clothes.
my smile.
my facade.
My life is...
a lie.
plain and simple.
But my mood...
right now...
is as real as it's ever been.
Still, today I...
woke up.
went to class.
donated blood.
talked to friends.
saw my boyfriend.
came home.
sat at the same chair as every other night.
stared at the monitor.
buried a lie.
That's the truth.
Amanda Saveley
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80.
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Time and Change
Winds are changing
The tide has come in
And your number's up
So why fight it?
Spent so long...
Chasing roads that lead nowhere...
Paths that have both an end and no end
Because their ends only make another beginning,
Intersecting with another middle
Letting into one another like intertwined vines
Fighting change makes more struggle,
Pain most can't contend with
So why want to defend with
Nothing more than tooth and comb?
Swing the stick,
All you'll make is a scratch,
And we all know
Time heals all
Even itself
Amanda Saveley
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