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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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5.
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Crooked Paths Seldom Cross Twice
Lets be honest,
Not mince words here.
We never were ones to beat around the bush.
Were not bush babies, you know.
But we are people of the poem
And as such,
It seems like the only way to get through to you.
So here goes:
Brother,
Whose diapers I helped change
And whose hand I held
As we crossed the many paths along our lives,
You terrify me.
I never know what to expect from you these days,
And maybe thats how you like it.
I can understand it all, really,
I was nineteen once.
Bad year, as I recall,
And Im not proud of any of it.
Stubborn,
Proud,
Angst-filled words filled my mind and mouth
As I bluntly tried to smash our mothers heart
In a cruel attempt to get my feelings across.
Bladed words,
Long e-mails of cold contempt,
And we didnt speak for days.
Bad idea, as I recall,
And Im not proud of any of it.
So I can understand
How you might feel misunderstood.
How you might misfire in your attempts to make clear
All of your intentions.
Ive been there.
But I can honestly say
Ive never been down the road as far as you.
Because Ive been terrified to go.
Inner restraint keeps me back,
Desire to accomplish goals
Set before me long before I even knew
What it meant to be young and free.
I love you, brother.
Dont ever doubt that for a second.
But while I say that on the tip of my tongue,
Flip it over and find my outrage.
For you will find that I am simply unamused
At your random acts of selfishness.
And had I not experienced them myself
At your own hand,
I may still yet go unbelieving.
But I love you,
Which is why I remain devoted,
Despite the fact
That youve broken my heart as well.
You let go of my hand
And crossed paths I dare not tread,
For fear of no return.
No repair.
So please, brother,
Find your way back.
I dont want to lose you.
Dont cross any more paths
Where I cannot follow.
I want to see you grow,
Not put you in the ground,
At the end of a path,
Where you stray evermore.
Amanda Saveley
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6.
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You Can Change Your Name, but You Can't Change Your Mind
I left home
My choice, but the manner was not select
Goodbyes to friends, family, streets, buildings
All familiar...then
I changed my room,
Cut and died my hair
Switched gears, got a car, learned to drive right
Traded friends
Severed ties, making new
Gained weight,
Started college...
Nothing's the same.
And I hate it.
Amanda Saveley
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7.
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Comparisons Are Overrated
The day is hot, but I'm cold inside
With all this I'm trying to hide
I'm calculating an equation
As to your recent evasion
No matter how I rearrange
Each factor, there is nothing strange
Just painfully plain the ending sum
No, I am not the Golden One
You do not favor me like her
It is my value you deter
I do not smile quite like she does
I don't hold on to what once was
I do not keep up with your books
I do not worry 'bout my looks
I cut my hair if it suits me
My hair's not long like hers, you see
My eyes are plain, much like my face
And though we both lack proper grace
She is much funnier than I
All I can seem to do is try
We both hold down our steady jobs
But somehow hers still comes on top
I hate her, hate her! Can't you see!
She's incomparable to me!
I'm smarter, I'm going somewhere
I'm just waiting for you to care
I'm trying hard to be the best
But it won't work; it's too much stress
Is it so bad to want a life
I work hard; I pay my tithe
I don't do things to make you shamed
I am hardly one to be blamed!
So as I sit here, wondering how
To make it through, I so avow
That someday I will make you see...
The one superior...not her...is me.
Amanda Saveley
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8.
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Crying's a Messy Business When Not Done Often Enough
Stinging eyes wrought forth with tears
Tightened throat where no air nears
Though my chest was heaving and my throat was sore
Twas a pain I'd borne ten times before
Reddened cheeks and inflamed eyes
Stuffy nose and muffled cries
Though my face was sad and my heart was tore
Twas a pain I'd borne ten times before
Beating myself for ignorance lost
Hating myself for innocence cost
Where once was light there is no more
Twas a pain I'd borne ten times before
Lost my faith and gained all doubt
Certain things I'd rather live without
Though to anyone else it would be hard to ignore
Twas a pain I'd borne ten times before
Amanda Saveley
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