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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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73.
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The Definition of Fear
I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that each time I let you go will be the last.
I'm afraid that you'll never come back,
Whether of your own will or fate...
I'm afraid that you will not be allowed to return to me.
That you will stay forever out of my reach,
In the abyss...
If Heaven is where you are meant to go...
I'm afraid I cannot follow.
I'm afraid I will forever lose you.
I'm afraid you'll find someone else.
I'm less than you deserve.
I'm afraid that life will eventually take you from me.
For I know this to be true.
I'm afraid of hello.
I'm afraid of goodbye.
I'm afraid of your absence.
This is why I cry.
Amanda Saveley
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74.
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The Expense it Takes to Retrieve That Which Was Lost
I can't let go.
Of anything, really.
Pain, hate, anger...
It's all integrated in my skin
Become part of who I am
A section of my brain
Sealed off for just those things
I will always scream inside my mind
Silent piercing constantly rocking my soul in the darkness
I will always loathe to the point of obsession
Hatred will always consume my life,
Slowly ebbing away at the person I used to be
To mutate me into that which I have become
The thing fueled only by the anger that rages on
Becoming the only thing that keeps me in motion
I will avenge your loss someday
I will defeat those who have opposed me
Separated me from what was once my happy life
Oh happy life...
Beloved existance...
I will retrieve you again
But at what cost?
Amanda Saveley
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75.
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The Fall from Grace is Like a Skinned Knee, but Painful All the Same
***For my dear friend Agnes, who has reignited my desire to spread my voice to the outer distance...because the earth has no corners.***
Winter, you're gunning for me
With each passing hour
I feel your frosted breath at my back
Making my limbs stiffen
Though I've gained wisdom to make words deep
My voice is strained, it cracks
And breaks the message I knew not in youth,
When I was drunk on ignorance
And blurred with lies
Winter, you have pushed the 'sharpen' button on my life's photo editor.
You've made all too clear,
Making sure not to photoshop the truthful lines
That have already begun to crease my brow
With each passing second,
Technology increases,
And I'm finding new ways to die.
So click that 'delete' button,
And freeze the 'restore' option in my recycle bin.
Right click, drag, and dropp me out
Come to me in old school style,
Reaper in black, scythe drawn,
With skeletal fingers, grasp my withered hand
And lead me to the unknown
I will not fight you.
Winter, my Winter...
Come close my eyes
And place a penny on my lips
For money's the language I've been forced to learn
In this technologically-advanced social stratus
We're trying to learn how to fight you,
But you're the one thing that can't be beat.
You're the fight that I will lose...
So come, come for me.
I will be waiting,
Like a leaf poised at the end of a feeble twig,
Waiting for wind,
Ready for Winter,
Poised to fall.
Amanda Saveley
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76.
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The Hardest Part
Anyone can die...
We could all die tomorrow
And never know it
Yeah, we could all die tomorrow
And never feel this way again
Anyone can die
That's the easy part
Romeo and Juliet,
They thought they had it so bad
But the truth is,
They had nothing
Because they were a couple of whinyass kids
Who had it all
And never worked
They thought their love was so great
That they could not bear to part
But this all-time classic love
Is all shallow
All-physical
And all a lie
Because anyone can die
We could all dropp out at this moment
Without having loved at all
Love life,
Hate life,
In the end,
The pain's the same
Because anyone can die
You,
Me,
The sibling down the hall
The guy down the street
The starving baby in the third-world country
Do good,
Do bad,
In the end,
The fate's the same
But to throw it away
For land,
For money,
For sadness,
For love,
Is unbearably ignorant.
Because anyone can die for another
But the hardest thing to do
Is to live for another
To bear every extremety
Happiness
Sadness
Joy
Pain
Because anyone can die
That's not impressive
To live for someone,
That takes a lot
And sometimes,
It's more than one person can handle.
Amanda Saveley
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