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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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69.
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Random Spouts of Glibness
And so I am content.
For the time being, anyway,
And I can't help but think that maybe,
Just maybe,
I could find something profound about today.
I used to find profoundity in everything.
Or was that profanity?
A little of both, I think,
And I refer in my mind back to the time where things used to be easy.
If they ever were easy,
As I, a child of maybe seven or eight,
Whose biggest struggle was balancing the gallon of milk
As I, already establishing my independence,
Was eager to fix my own breakfast
But milk spills and memories fade
And sometimes things don't go the way we anticipate.
What a sad thought that is,
As most thoughts are these days
And I remember thinking to myself,
'Does depression always come with age?
Is it another thing, like liver spots or laugh lines
Or worry wrinkles across the brow
That only deepen with time? '
Yes, I decided.
But I have found that other things deepen with time as well.
Love, for example.
Not to be confused with lust or infatuation,
True love deepens with time.
It leaves its mark slowly,
Like the crow's feet that appear around the eyes
Until one morning you wake up smiling,
Look in the mirror,
And are astounded to find out that hey,
You're still in love.
Except there is no ointment or botox treatment for love.
Let's face it, you're stuck
Like your feet in the puddles,
Your galoshes all soiled,
My friend, you are feeling the grit,
The mud between your toes
And even though it's gross and somewhat displeasing,
You decide to withstand it
Because you know it'll wash off eventually
And perhaps you even like it sometimes
And I think that's the thing about real love,
That no matter how many times you get your feet in the mud
You'll eventually wake up smiling
And are enabled to find the profoundity
(And even sometimes the profanity)
In everyday things.
And that you'll love even more.
Amanda Saveley
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70.
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Running Up That Hill
It doesn't hurt me.
Do you want to feel how it feels?
Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?
You, it's you and me.
But the bargaining power is gone,
Pointless
I have nothing left to trade...
Nothing worth enough
To make this barter work
And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building.
Say, If I only could, oh...
I almost hate her for this.
Even though she did it to me, and to you
Though you were too young to remember
I remember
And I know what it's like
You don't want to hurt me,
But see how deep the bullet lies.
Unaware I'm tearing you asunder.
Ooh, there is thunder in our hearts.
I want to make it better,
I want to shield you again,
But you are there and I am here
And there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I can't fix this...
Tell me how to fix this.
Is there so much hate for the ones we love?
Tell me, we both matter, don't we?
You, it's you and me.
It's you and me won't be unhappy.
We've always been a pair,
Now I only feel like half
A single controller is by me where there should be two
I can almost feel your weight beside me
I can almost see your face laughing at me
I can almost hear you...
And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
Be running up that building,
Say, if I only could, oh...
I would tear through all borders
Driving 90 all the way
With no care for my own existance
If I had to die in order to reach you
I would do it myself.
You,
It's you and me,
It's you and me won't be unhappy.
Just let me call you
Answer the phone and let me hear emotions
Let me know's going on,
Because I can't see at the end of the tunnel
Without you to guide along
C'mon, baby, c'mon darling,
Let me steal this moment from you now.
C'mon, angel, c'mon, c'mon, darling,
Let's exchange the experience, oh...
I would take this abuse
I can handle the pain.
I'm almost numb to it
And it can't be worse than the way I feel now
Being away...
Far away...
From you.
And if I only could,
I'd make a deal with God,
And I'd get him to swap our places,
Be running up that road,
Be running up that hill,
With no problems.
But there are obstacles, brother
Things to get through
Things holding me back,
Hindrances attached to me like weighted chains
And it's taking me too long to undo them
So if I only could
Be running up that hill
With no problems...
Wait for me.
I'll save you.
Just give me time.
A little more time is all I need.
If I only could, I'd be running up that hill.
Amanda Saveley
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71.
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Stuck On The Lyrics Like I'm Stuck On You
You kill me...
You know you do
You kill me well
You rip my heart
Through depths of hell
I see the journals,
The logs,
And she misses you.
But not missing you all the same
She misses the feeling you give me
And I hate this feeling I get
Feeling like ever-prying,
Thought I let go the notions of potential failure
But I still think when you don't pick up
I still cry at night when you're all I think about
And nothing I forget
And the pain that rips through my bones like concrete through water
Is nothing compared to the pain of loss
Or the fear of the pain of loss
Or the pain of the fear of the pain of loss
And you won't get to see the tears I cry
So swallow me and spit me out
For hating you I blame myself
Then and there
I confess
I'll blame all this on my selfishness
Yet you love me
And that consumes me
And I will cut again
And do so willingly
Relationships that work are things that I can't comprehend
Amanda Saveley
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72.
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THAT Girl
Yes,
THAT girl
The one who walks the halls,
Mini skirt
Ruffles, denim,
Whatever...
Making heads turn
Gathering attention
Good, bad
Doesn't matter to her
It's attention, isn't it?
And she's only fourteen.
But you wouldn't know that.
You wouldn't know that
Cause you barely know her name
You barely know that she is a person
Like you,
Like me,
Like everyone
But you wouldn't know that
You see her, and you don't think
Nice smile
Sweet personality
You think
Short skirt
You can see her stomach
Loose
Careless
SLUT
But she's only fourteen.
You can't be a slut at fourteen
Can you?
Oh, you can
And they do
And they spend all their time on the internet
All that time
Taking pictures
Making lies
Making mistakes
And where do the mistakes go?
To homes
To therapy
To their graves
They run so fast
You'd swear their feet are on fire
Their souls, torched with the ashes of their
Ignorance
Innocence
Lost in the way somewhere, like a child
Broken
Lost
Alone
And it is these mistakes,
These THAT girls
That make mistakes
Who each grow up to make mistakes
To cover the earth
In gloss
Amanda Saveley
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