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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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65.
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Love, I Have Hated You
Love, I have hated you,
Feared you,
Manipulated you to become what I wanted,
You Godforsaken enemy
A beacon of darkness in an otherwise light world
But you could not, would not be
What I wanted you to be
Unhappy love
Tired of being the undershadowed villain
Taking form in the shape of father, molester, stepfather, boyfriend
Making your place in my chest,
Lodged deeply between my ribs,
Inflating, expanding,
Threatening to crack a rib if agitated
Oh Love, I have hated you
For you have become the ultimate evil in my mind
A sin to neverending death
Romeo and Juliet, you killed,
And a thousand others
But I would not fall to you,
Oh love,
Oh death,
My death,
I was unyielding,
Immovable,
Resistance to you!
And when you came, love,
I was ready to face you
Breaking heart, letter writer, brain-melting love
Coming in embraces
And leaving in tears
You came and touched my inner soul, oh love...
And left your mark, oh love...
And I am left unchanged,
But different all the same
You come in form of lover, listener,
Beating of my heart,
Tightening of chest,
And unlodge yourself from my ribs,
Diving deep,
Making place,
Where you intend to be unyielding,
Immovable,
Resistance to my hate
Amanda Saveley
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66.
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Memories
Memories...
How does one express the thing
That passes between two people?
A moment...in which there is nothing needed
To be done
To be said
Just an understanding
That the moment has come and passed
And will never come again
Memories...
A smile in the corner of one's eye
A silent joke between friends
A moment, in which there is nothing needed
To be said
To be done
Just an understanding
That the moment is theirs alone
And will never come for anyone else
Memories...
Amanda Saveley
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67.
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Memories Again
I dream without sleeping
Memories running across my mind like stars cross the sky
A shimmering brilliance fading to dust
Skinned knees and bruised hearts never really heal
Scars are left in their wake
You can't heal that which time cannot touch
A thing frozen in neutral gear
Waiting for something else to come along and affect it
If only to make it move
Just an inch,
Barely noticeable
Can make a world of difference
Even if it is a just noticeable difference
Flash cards drift across memory
JND, Siddhartha Gautama, creer,
All blurs barely distinguishable now
As a greater purpose takes their place,
Consuming,
Leaving nothing in its wake
For me to recover
Amanda Saveley
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68.
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My life be like...
WHOA!
Stupid people everywhere,
Eating paint chips with leaden bases
Poisoning themselves from the inside
Their brains naturally damaged,
Grow worse with each flaky morsel of death
'Don't chew on those, they'll make you sick! '
My cries, they go unheard
I scream and shout and wave my arms
But no one seems to get it.
No, no one seems to understand
What laugh, they think I'm dancing!
But no one dances like that,
For if that were a dance
It'd be the warning dance of impending doom!
Waving my arms about and jumping up and down
Perhaps I think I'm a bird who cannot fly
Though I try
I try
I...try...
But even then, to no avail,
It seems they do not listen!
Am I to be the crazy one?
The insane voice of reason?
For yes! oh yes! I must be a mess!
To be sane is so unhealthy,
I am completely straight, so I do not exist!
There is no disease I have with which to define myself!
Whatever shall I do!
What sadness!
What catastrophe!
Say you who does not understand the words that come from my lips,
Do I look retarded to you?
With my waving arms and bouncing knees
'Do not eat them, they will harm you! '
'Don't do that which brings you displeasure! '
But perhaps...
You like the feeling of distress.
Perhaps...
You like the mess you make of your life
But lo, you will not take blame.
No fingers shall ever point at you,
And say,
'This is my life. I have made of it what it is. I enjoy this distress, this mess.'
No.
You won't ever do that, will you?
You point fingers, all ten,
Wherever you can get them!
Well, stretch your arms far out, extend those fingers
Perhaps you shall resemble a tree!
And I, who looks like sickly bird trying to fly...
Well, who do you think will look the more silly?
Amanda Saveley
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