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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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65.
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O, Who Is Thus Shone From Light To Darkness
eyes like two sparkling beads of ebony
breaking through the darkness
glittering like celestial jewels
her smile is ivory against porcelain skin
eyebrows arched like rainbows
as her smile radiates all the colors
that her soul cannot reflect
her heart is hidden beneath beds of thorns
waiting for the blade to break the vines,
to release her for all eternity
Amanda Saveley
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66.
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Ode to My Self-Loathing
I hate you!
Hate the way you make me feel
Hate the way I dropp my walls around you
Hate the way I lose all consciousness
Hate the way I think I can plan my future
Hate the way you look at me
Hate the way you make me cry
Hate the way you make me lie
HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE
And all I can think is,
I can't hate you!
I put too much into you!
But I do!
And I hate that too.
HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE
Anger runs right through my veins
And I'm following the beat to this song of anger
Typing like my fingers are on fire
Why don't you ever just say goodbye?
Why draw out what can't be saved?
HATEHATEHATEHATEHATE
Such an easy word to type,
Hate is.
Far more than like
And WAY more than love.
HATE so easy to roll off the tongue
HATE the way I'm wasting away so young
HATEHATEHATE the lump in my throat
HATEHATEHATE the way you make me choke
Do I mean anything to you?
Is what you say, any bit of it true?
I want to cry, I want to die
And you prolong my life unwanted!
I let myself go before you
Inside and out
I will bleed before this ends
Cut me before you go
So don't apologize.
Don't waste such words on me
Don't break my heart into tiny pieces
It hurts too much to let this go
And no one's here to pick me up this time
And yet I wonder why...
I'm the one alone...
Amanda Saveley
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67.
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Olfactory Nerves Plucked Bitter Memoires Like Broken Piano Keys
It's funny how,
Even when I think I've washed myself clean of you,
You come into the front of my mind again.
My detergent smells like you
And sitting here, surrounded in the scent of my dryer sheets
I find myself reminiscing
Of things that were, things that weren't,
That could have been, but not
And I can't help but notice how I missed that smell
Your own distinct scent I tried so hard to find
On Wal-Mart shelves and lines of cologne bottles
I thought I'd lost it, that scent.
Grasping on to it like I sometimes wish I could you,
I tell myself it was for the better and that nothing good could have come from it
But just who do I think I'm fooling?
I miss you sometimes.
The kind of freedom you brought me
The feeling that I would never be alone
That feeling I...desperately...try to extract from my current relations
But fall short of by mere inches.
Perhaps you were my breaking point.
The last straw that broke the camel's hump
And I find it hysterical how I can find meaning in even that
To remind me of you
Or maybe,
Who I think is you...
That odd smell only our small-town Subway seems to have...
Entwined with that scent
That scent that nearly drives me mad whenever I catch it on a drift
Just enough to make me scramble to remember where I had it before
Just enough to make me insane
And yet, catching it in full force was all I really needed.
Unscrewing that cap of new detergent not-yet-tried to get a blast of nostalgia
It was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
But I won't let it be my undoing...
Because I will not break at the mention of your name anymore
I will not cry for what I thought was my only chance
I will not lie in bed, slowly killing myself from the inside,
Hoping to leave a bitter shell for someone to mend or break
I will not ask you to save me.
I do not have to.
I already have been.
Amanda Saveley
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68.
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Once Again...
I was always ever-so-patient with you
Everything that I said, every time it was true
Every time you leave me baited
Hanging on, but still I waited
Once again...you've left your mark
Once again...I'm left in the dark
Once again...I'm left in the dust
Once again...it's me you don't trust
On your behalf, I shed enough tears
And all for you, I shed all my fears
It matters not how long it'll take
For you, I'll wait, I will not break
Once again...I'm all in a bind
Once again...you leave me behind
Once again...I can't find my way
Once again...you're walking away
And someday, things just might get harder
And someday, I just might get smarter
But don't think I'll ever stray
Right by your side is where I'll stay
But, once again...on baited breath
Oh, once again...I wait til death
Yes, once again...nothing has changed
Ah, once again...I feel estranged
Oh, once again...I will be near
Yes, once again...I'm waiting here
But once again...there's a despute
And once again...you remain mute
I was always ever-so-patient with you
Everything that I said, every time it was true
Perhaps it's karma, perhaps it's fate
But how long will I be expected to wait?
Amanda Saveley
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