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Best Poems From AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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45.
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Define This
Who I am...
Is beyond my
Hair
Eyes
Teeth
Weight
Height
Shoe size
Jean size
Blood type
Skin type
Gender
Nationality
Address
GPA
Social Security Number
If I were to label myself...
I would run around with post-it notes covering every inch of my body.
For I am
Narcissistic, yet altruistic
Intuitive yet doubting
Focused, yet ambivalent
I am an Empiricist,
A Skeptic,
Agnostic, but moral
Derogatory, but eloquent
Intelligent, yet ignorant
Well-spoken, but not well-read
Arrogant, but modest
Outspoken, but shy
An extroverted introvert
With an inferior complex about a superior complex
I have a one-sided Oedipus complex,
My mother does not concern me
And in order for me to carry on all these labels,
I would literally be bipolar,
A walking contradiction
An anomaly to all those trying to label everything and anything to restrict it,
Narrow it down
Well,
Narrow this down.
You'll never get it.
For the only label I can ever carry is that of 'human'
And that makes me versatile
Malleable,
Susceptible to inevitable change
An internal chameleon
That you will never be able to dissect.
Amanda Saveley
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46.
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Dehydrator
You're not sorry
And you never were.
It amazes me still
That I had the delusion
That you could ever be a decent person.
I hate you more than words could say.
Ever tear I ever spilled on account of you
Could fill the ocean of the void that I made of my life.
And it's your fault.
I'll never forgive you this time.
I can't even rationalize
What I could have possibly done
To warrant this treatment.
No empty threats even come to mind right now.
I just know that someday,
I'll be over this.
Someday I'll be past all this mess
And I'll become the person you only wish you could be.
Pathetic man,
I pity you
Because you don't know how to love.
Because you only know hate,
Because you hate yourself.
I don't know which causes more disdain,
The fact I hate you,
Or the fact that you cause me to hate at all.
Either is unfortunate.
Amanda Saveley
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47.
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Desire, but in Vain
I look at my name,
Hidden,
Amongst the names greater than mine own
In a list in a browser
And how I wish so that mine actually belonged
But no,
I have no place amongst those I admire so
For no one bothers to read mine
And I have hardly the ego to support them
I simply am not vain enough
Though there is a simple vanity in that which I desire
It is that vanity in hoping
That I might be worth something.
Amanda Saveley
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48.
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Even Glue Flakes Away In The End
Things bounce off me, everlasting cycles of motion.
I'm rubber, you're glue...
I am invincible, never showing emotion.
Everything bounces off me and sticks to you
My opinions are strong, I stand by my own.
But no one knows I'm coming unglued
My words are my honor. In truth I stand alone.
My hinges are slowly becoming unscrewed
I live for my family, for my friends I do yield.
I'm carefully coming apart at the seams
I work to my fullest, my potential fulfilled.
I'm walking through life like I'm sleeping through dreams
I live by example, to prove to the world
My ideals are shattered, they're worn clear to the bone
That I am more than an ordinary girl
I'm important to no one, and I stand alone.
Amanda Saveley
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