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Best Poems From
AMANDA SAVELEY
(December 29,1987)
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41.
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Another Cinematic Moment in Life
Tired arms drag along
m
y
s
i
d
e
s
Like they've taken on a thousand weights
But the rest of my body feels the same
Nothing can be said to darken my doorstep tonight
No, my heart was light as a feather
In the passenger seat
As you were driving me home
In the front seat of your car
Windows fogged like that scene from Titanic
I smile at you as if there was nothing that could ever harm me
Like the thought that you might leave
Doesn't terrify me
Like the thought that
Even if you stay
One of us has to leave
In the end
But those things mean nothing tonight,
As I'm holding your hand
And watching your smile of brilliant light
As I turn, almost too tired to think,
And write the three words on your fogged window
You object, writing on your window in argument
'Doubt it' I write back
No way could you love me more
Continue with finger steady, I trace
The question I never thought I'd ever ask
Over water condensated over glass
Ever the male figure, you turn my question against me
My only response,
'Fine. Have it your way.'
You look at me most uncertain, tracing letters back clear
'Is that a yes? '
Smiling, I scribble a quick answer,
Not thinking of the weight of it all,
Having already thought of it too many times before
Yes.
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes
I'd take your name and write it on everything I owned
Checks, resumιs, our children's bookbags,
And my entire possible life plays out in tiny slides
Smiley faces and stupid words still scribbled out on windows
As if we're both too tired for words
And too afraid to break the delicate silence that has fallen over us
Despite the earlier fight and the slight separation
I know this could be forever
If only I could hold on long enough
To try.
Amanda Saveley
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42.
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Another Dose of Emotional Morphine
Should I even bother?
Does it really matter?
Am I sitting here waiting
For something that will never come?
Did I delude myself
Into thinking too much?
Into thinking you'd stay?
Assume you won't go away?
It was my mistake.
Well this is not for real
Afraid to feel
I just hit the floor
Don't ask for more
I'm wasting my time
I'm wasting my time
You can't stop the feeling
And there's no reason
Let's make the call
And take it all again
I got so far
And got so low
It's getting hard
To let you go
But soon I must
Why, I don't know
You're getting too close
I'm starting to show
Layers are peeling
I'm fading away
I refuse to fall backwards
I don't want to delay
So if you must hurt me
Please hurt me today
I knew from beginning
It's always this way
When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special
And I gotta let you know
I just gotta let you go
Before we tear ourselves apart
Don't wanna tear away your heart
See you waiting
Lonesome, lonely
See you waiting
I see you waiting
Breaks my heart to see you cry
It breaks my heart to watch us die
I know that I should wonder why
But I can't ever wonder why
No, can't take time to say goodbye
I'd stick around to live this lie
But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here
Amanda Saveley
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43.
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Dear Mr. Former President Caeser
I can't seem to help but think...
What's going on?
I say, what's going on
When every morning I wake up fearing for my life
As if a great bomb could fall from the sky
Knowing I've done nothing wrong
Only tried to understand...
Are you proud
Of the things you've done
While we've waited for salvation
Oh why hath thou forsaken me?
I've done nothing wrong!
I've strived
Fought
Struggled for the right
And openly shunning the wrong
It looks like someone doesn't have your back
Why are people starving in our streets
In the land of opportunity?
The place where wealth abounds?
This is not Rome, sir,
We are not detached from our people, sir
And if you are,
I say stand and fight for your right to govern!
There is no Mandate of Heaven here.
And you have the dozer where Jesus has none
The divine One who have not but his bare hands
In which to stop you
Yet you strap Him to your cause
And tear through battered lands like you have the right!
Slapping Allah in the face with Muhammad's own hand
How dare you try to claim that you understand!
We're a hypocrisy posing as a democracy
Throwing our beliefs in others faces
In the name of a religion not all of us follow
Who do you think you are, Nero?
We can't strap poor devotees to media-based pillars
And light them afire with the blazing torch of atheist view
Can you really look anyone in the eye?
Can you see them from behind your tall podium,
In which you can't even see yourself?
Do you speak for yourself
Or are you simply a puppet,
A figurehead,
Something to be manipulated like putty
While stiff neck politicians back you with words
Their words
Not the words of the people
But of the elect
You know nothing of hard work
Being a child of welfare
A kid of the system
In which the government you so depend on
To get you your food stamps
Make your mother's ex-husband pay child support
Fails you miserably,
Forcing you to live on ramen and bologna
As staples for your diet
While education falls through the cracks slowly
And you think you can fix this?
You've only made it worse
Amanda Saveley
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44.
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Death of a Vital Organ
The rough thorns brush close,
Cutting deep within the confines of a guarded heart
Broken and bleeding
Hardening with each passing cold front
Until it thaws and is marred once again
Self-inflicted wounds do not heal as easy.
Yet the thorns wrap deeper,
Delving, cutting,
Marking reminders that each failure twists the vines
Tighter still until the heart cannot breathe
It cries out in sheer, unadulterated agony
Letting all the warmth seep out until there is nothing left
Nothing left to speed the ever-quickening current of crimson sorrow
Pouring forth like tears over skin
Soaking the vines
Feeding them the sustenance needed
To grow and strengthen
Covering the heart, guarding it,
Shielding against all intruders wishing to seek it
Until it is truly guarded
Frozen in time
Oblivious to the world around
Oblivious to its own pain
Its still raw lesions, its afflictions
That become infected, slowly bringing death to once vivid vessel
Self-inflicted wounds do not heal as easy.
Amanda Saveley
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